IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many cities around the world polution levels have been risen in recent years. Why are some cities becoming more polluted? What effects does this have?

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An increasing
number
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 of people around the world are choosing to live in large
cities
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.
This
Linking Words
,
along with
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 the development of modern
industry
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, has led to higher levels of population in many
city
Change to a plural noun
cities
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.
As a result
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, the local environment and people’s
health
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 are being negatively affected.
Cities
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 with a large population are often especially polluted.
This
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 is because there is a greater concentration of cars and
industry
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 in a small area.
Cities
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 with
both
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 a large
number
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 of cars and a poor public transport system are often in a particularly bad situation as they suffer from high levels of noise and air
pollution
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. Other
cities
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, which have economies that rely on
industry
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, have to deal with problems created by manufacturing. These can include air, water and soil
polution
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pollution
,
both
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 locally and in a wider area
aroung
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around
 the city.
As a result
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 of these two factors,
pollution
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 can have negative effects on
both
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 the local environment and people’s well-being. Increased air
pollution
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 is often linked to a
number
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 of
health
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 concerns, particularly breathing problems.
Both
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 water and soil
pollution
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 can damage or kill a
number
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 of plant and animal species, and ultimately,
this
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 may affect the quality of the food available for
human
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humans
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.
Lastly
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,
both
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 transport and
industry
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 can increase noise and light
pollution
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 in
cities
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.
This
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 can mean that people get poor sleep and their
health
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 may be affected by
this
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. In conclusion, some
cities
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 are becoming more polluted because they are becoming more populated which leads to
growing
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the growing
a growing
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 amount of traffic and industrial production.
This
Linking Words
 has a negative impact on
both
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 the local environment and on people’s
health
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.

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Language Accuracy
Be vigilant of spelling errors (e.g., 'polution' should be 'pollution', 'aroung' should be 'around') as they can slightly distract from the clarity of your message. Proofreading can help eliminate these small mistakes.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of cohesive devices. While your essay is structured well, varying your linking phrases can make the text flow even smoother.
Task Achievement
To further improve task achievement, consider integrating a wider variety of specific examples. You've made general statements about pollution and its effects. Adding real-world examples or case studies could strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Logical Structure
Your essay presents a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure that effectively addresses the topic and question.
Supported Main Points
Your main points are well-supported by explanations, which effectively contributes to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Complete Response & Clear Comprehensive Ideas
You've provided a complete response to the task, offering clear and comprehensive ideas and addressing both parts of the question (causes and effects of pollution in cities).

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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