Some people say part-time jobs are useful for full-time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience. Do you agree or disagree?
It is common nowadays for
students
at university or college to undertake part
-
time Correct your spelling
part-
work
either for money or to gain some work
experience. In my opinion, this
has both advantages and disadvantages.
The first obvious advantage is that work
can bring in money. In many countries,
students
are independent from their families, or their parents are not wealthy enough to afford their education. Therefore
, a part-time job can greatly contribute to the financial position of a student. It may be an essential factor in permitting study
in the first place. For example
, in Britain, the tuition fees have
increased a lot in recent years, which has kept some of the intelligent but poor
students
from concentrating on their study
as they are often in debt and in Fix the agreement mistake
studies
severeshortage
of financial support. Correct your spelling
severe shortage
As a result
, if they want to continue their academic persuit
, many Correct your spelling
pursuit
pursuits
students
have no choice but to work
in addition
to their academic duties.
Moreover
, a part-time job can help prepare a person for the real world of work
, a
step out of the ivory tower. Many employers nowadays complain that new workers do not appreciate the needs of business, nor can they apply their theoretical study
to practice. But some
Correct word choice
Some
work
experience gained during study
can facilitate one to develop
Replace the word
development
one’s
career.
To put it simply, the decision of whether or not to take up a part-time job Change preposition
of one’s
while
studying depends on individual students
’ circumstances – it may be beneficial or financially necessary, but it should never be at the cost of underachieving in academic work
.Submitted by jubjangjuda on
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Work on diversifying your sentence structures to enhance the readability of your paragraphs. Using a mix of simple, complex, and compound sentences can make your essay more engaging.
content
While you present clear arguments and supported them well, trying to include more varied and specific examples can further strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Consider using transition words more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
You maintained a clear focus throughout the essay, with each paragraph supporting your thesis effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-crafted, effectively framing your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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