IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say part-time jobs are useful for full-time students because they not only earn money but also gain career experience. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #jobs #students #money #gain #career
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It is common nowadays for
students
 at university or college to undertake
part
Correct your spelling
part-
- time
work
 either for money or to gain some
work
 experience. In my opinion,
this
 has both advantages and disadvantages. The first obvious advantage is that
work
 can bring in money. In many countries,
students
 are independent from their families, or their parents are not wealthy enough to afford their education.
Therefore
, a part-time job can greatly contribute to the financial position of a student. It may be an essential factor in permitting
study
 in the first place.
For example
, in Britain, the tuition fees have increased a lot in recent years, which has kept some of the intelligent but poor
students
 from concentrating on their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 as they are often in debt and in
severeshortage
Correct your spelling
severe shortage
 of financial support.
As a result
, if they want to continue their academic
persuit
Correct your spelling
pursuit
pursuits
, many
students
 have no choice but to
work
in addition
 to their academic duties.
Moreover
, a part-time job can help prepare a person for the real world of
work
, a step out of the ivory tower. Many employers nowadays complain that new workers do not appreciate the needs of business, nor can they apply their theoretical
study
 to practice.
But some
Correct word choice
Some
show examples
work
 experience gained during
study
 can facilitate one to
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
one’s
Change preposition
of one’s
show examples
 career. To put it simply, the decision of whether or not to take up a part-time job
while
 studying depends on individual
students
’ circumstances – it may be beneficial or financially necessary, but it should never be at the cost of underachieving in academic
work
.
Submitted by jubjangjuda on

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style
Work on diversifying your sentence structures to enhance the readability of your paragraphs. Using a mix of simple, complex, and compound sentences can make your essay more engaging.
content
While you present clear arguments and supported them well, trying to include more varied and specific examples can further strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Consider using transition words more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
You maintained a clear focus throughout the essay, with each paragraph supporting your thesis effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-crafted, effectively framing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career experience
  • financial independence
  • time management
  • interpersonal skills
  • work ethics
  • academic performance
  • practical experience
  • part-time job
  • full-time student
  • prioritization
  • financial burden
  • extracurricular activities
  • professional environment
  • networking events
  • stress management
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