IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Directors of organizations receive higher salaries than the ordinary worker. Some people think it is necessary while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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It is argued that the owners take high
salaries
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 compared to the
employees
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, some people think it vital
while
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 others find it unfair , I believe each position has its benefits ,
therefore
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, I agree the difference between the
salary
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 is necessary ,
To begin
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 with , having a difference between the workers and the managers in terms of
salary
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 is essential , for several reasons , the major reason is the amount of effort ,
for instance
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 , studies have shown 70 per cent of
directors
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 spend so much time at
work
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 15or 14 hours ,
in contrast
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,
employees
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 worked often for 7 or 8 hours .
Therefore
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 all the owners deserve to get high
salaries
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 for the job .
Moreover
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 , we should not overlook the fact that 90 per cent of responsibility is taken by
directors
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 . Regard , the other side they find it unfair to have different
salaries
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, so those who are working in the same place should have the same
salary
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 , the reason behind
that is
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 they looking for equality,
for example
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 , the majority of
employees
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work
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 hard to make a good life in terms of , Healthcare, their kid's education , and so on , so they are responsible about a lot of things.
Hence
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 as the
directors
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work
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 hard
also
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 the
employees
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 as well .
In addition
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 to that sometimes those who
work
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 in the company as workers ,
work
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 hard with much time and even better than the boss , so it is unfair to give the boss
for instance
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 high
salary
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 .
To sum up
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 , it is true that there are many
directors
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 who have higher
salaries
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 than workers, which is quite fair in my opinion as they have different positions

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. Consider separating distinct ideas and examples into their own paragraphs for clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction could be clearer about what will be discussed. Make sure to clearly state that the essay will explore both views and provide your opinion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to strengthen arguments. Providing evidence or statistics can make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Avoid using informal language and expressions in formal essays, such as 'and so on.' Replace them with precise and relevant details.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging both viewpoints effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion clearly reflects your viewpoint and summarizes the discussion appropriately.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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