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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

#percentage #households #kinds #technology #information #features #comparisons
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A glance at the line chart provided the percentage of families with six types of technology including washing
machines
Use synonyms
, computers, phones, the
Internet
Use synonyms
 and
DVD
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
 in America between 1995 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the vast majority of the households in the USA used washing
machines
Use synonyms
 during the given period, whilst the
use
Use synonyms
 of
DVD
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
 and the
Internet
Use synonyms
 were the least in
turns
Fix the agreement mistake
turn
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the Information shown in the chart,there were 60% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
American families had washing
machines
Use synonyms
 in 1995 which was six times more than those
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
 the
Internet
Use synonyms
 by 10% .
Besides
Linking Words
, the
use
Use synonyms
 of washing
machines
Use synonyms
 witnessed a 20% growth in the mentioned 5 years from 60% to 80%, in the meantime, households which used computers skyrocketed from
40%to
Correct your spelling
40% to
 70%.What should be particularly mentioned is the percentage of households with phones soared from 19% to 75% which even exceeded that of computers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
use
Use synonyms
 of
DVD
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
 experienced a 10% reduction from 1995 to 1996 from 25% to 15% and kept rising between 1996 and 1949 which
finally
Linking Words
 reached 40% .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
use
Use synonyms
 of the
Internet
Use synonyms
 was getting common in the given time which was from 10% to 40% and became superior to
DVD
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
 by 10% more in 1999.
Submitted by s99104032 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words machines, internet, dvd, players, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Households
  • Technology adoption
  • Growth rate
  • Decline rate
  • Milestones
  • Obsolete
  • Societal factors
  • Economic conditions
  • Advancements
  • Consumer preferences
  • Market saturation
  • Trend analysis
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