IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Giving pocket money to children is very common in many countries. Discuss both advantages and disadvantages and what your opinion is.

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In many nations, allowing
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 spend
pocket
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 is
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
show examples
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 trend has benefits and drawbacks, and
this
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 essay will delve into both sides with my opinion. On the one hand, giving
certain
Change the article
a certain
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 has
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of improving self-reliance.
This
Linking Words
 is because they try to be responsible for their
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 until the next
money
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, allocating a certain amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 can lead to
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
economic perspectives because
children
Use synonyms
 can learn how to handle
money
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 purchasing something from stores. Counting and calculating their cash
is enhanced
Wrong verb form
enhances
show examples
 their basic math knowledge, it is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 practical way to study
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
For example
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, my mother used to give me 1000 tugriks weekly, which
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
helped
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
me
understanding
Change the form of the verb
understand
show examples
 the importance of being
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
show examples
 and
self-discipline
Replace the word
self-disciplined
show examples
.
Therefore
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, I believe that giving
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 should be suggested.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, allowing
money
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 can lead to dangerous
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
such
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 as they might spend their
money
Use synonyms
for unqualify
Change preposition
on unqualified
show examples
 products that would be harmful.
This
Linking Words
 is because most
children
Use synonyms
 are not well aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the
overall
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 quality of the foods.
For instance
Linking Words
, youths usually tend to buy
fast-foods
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
 which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 commonly known as bad for our health. These products
are contained
Wrong verb form
contain
show examples
 substances that lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
addiction
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can be assaulted as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
victim
Fix the agreement mistake
victims
show examples
 when they
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
pocket
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
 because there are many dangerous strangers
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the street.
Therefore
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, parents need to
inform
Wrong verb form
be informed
show examples
 about the potential circumstances of its drawbacks
while
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 giving
pocket
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
 to their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
.
To conclude
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, allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to spend
pocket
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
 has pros and cons. In my opinion, giving
such
Linking Words
 freedom encourages
children
Use synonyms
 to be more responsible and
self-reliance
Replace the word
self-reliant
show examples
 person.
However
Linking Words
, parents need to inform them about the risks that could
be arise
Change the verb form
arise
show examples
while
Linking Words
 spending their cash.

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Grammar & Sentence Structure
Make sure to proofread the essay to correct minor errors in grammar and sentence structure. These small inaccuracies can detract from the clarity of the message.
Vocabulary Enhancement
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. This can help to make your arguments more compelling and demonstrate a greater command of the language.
Argument Depth
While discussing the disadvantages, it would be beneficial to explore the solutions or preventive measures to the problems highlighted. This can provide a more balanced view and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Punctuation & Spacing
Be mindful of spacing and punctuation. Proper punctuation and spacing can greatly impact the readability and professionalism of your essay.
Structure
The essay provides a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. This structure helps with understanding and following the argument.
Use of Examples
You effectively used examples from personal experience to support your points. This helps to make your argument more relatable and persuasive.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion, clearly stating your stance on the issue. This helps to reinforce your argument and leaves the reader with a strong impression.
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