Some people think that too much attention and too many resources are given to the protection of wild animal and birds. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that in the protection of wild
animals
and birds
much Add a comma
birds,
concern
and many resurces
are given by us. Correct your spelling
resources
This
essay totally disagree
with Change the verb form
disagrees
this
statements
because Fix the agreement mistake
statement
people
are not aware about
wild Change the preposition
of
animals
and birds
still now and they also
Add a missing verb
are also
attact
by Correct your spelling
affected
the
human violence.
In the beginning, still now Correct article usage
apply
people
are
not fully aware Wrong verb form
were
about
Change the preposition
of
the
wild Correct article usage
apply
animals
and birds
because they only concern
about their domestic Wrong verb form
concerned
animals
if they have
Wrong verb form
had
it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
In addition
, if anyone have
pets they care Change the verb form
has
them
like their own family member but they Change preposition
for them
does
not give attention Change the verb form
do
roadside
dogs or other Change preposition
to roadside
animals
. Many wild animals
death
occurs Replace the word
die
by
lack of food and Change preposition
to
in
hot summer Change preposition
on
day
many Fix the agreement mistake
days
birds
death
for the reason of high Replace the word
die
temparature
as they Correct your spelling
temperatures
does
not find any water resources around them. So, if most of the Change the verb form
do
people
get their attention towards the animals
its
not happening Replace the word
it's
it is
infront
of their eyes. Correct your spelling
in front
For example
, research conduct
with Animal protection organizations Wrong verb form
conducted
and
Correct word choice
apply
they
found that Correct pronoun usage
apply
last
year almost 2000 birds
were died
Change to the active voice
died
for
dehydration when the temperature reached Change preposition
from
at
45°c.
Remove the preposition
apply
Moreover
, animals
and wild birds
still now attack toward
human Change preposition
apply
violences
. Many Change the wording
violence
acts of violence
outbreaks of violence
people
haunting
Wrong verb form
haunt
differnt
kinds of Correct your spelling
different
birds
for their food though it is crime
but they Correct article usage
a crime
does
it without any Change the verb form
do
hesitate
. Replace the word
hesitation
Furthermore
, play loauder
sound boxes and Correct your spelling
louder
set
up Wrong verb form
setting
the
industries Correct article usage
apply
besides
forests and wild places Change preposition
beside
occur
negative impact Verb problem
have
over
the Change preposition
on
wild
Correct word choice
apply
lifes
. Not only Correct your spelling
life
lives
this
, a group of people
use the
wild Correct article usage
apply
animals
and birds
for their busniess
Correct your spelling
business
purpose
as they Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
stuck
Wrong verb form
stick
animals
in zoo
and Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
does
not Correct subject-verb agreement
do
fed
them properly only for their Change the verb form
feed
profits
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
profit
i
think Change the capitalization
I
the
Correct article usage
apply
awarness
and resources Correct your spelling
awareness
does
not Change the verb form
do
give
Verb problem
apply
concern
so
much which is Correct pronoun usage
us so
need
for Correct article usage
the need
animals
. If they concern
Wrong verb form
are concerned
than
it is quite as Correct your spelling
then
human
still now violent toward wild Fix the agreement mistake
humans
animals
and they does
not aware Verb problem
are
in
wild Change preposition
of
animals
and birds
.Submitted by tanakchakma55 on
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task achievement
Your essay has a clear position throughout, which is good for task achievement. However, it's important to develop your ideas more fully and provide more detailed examples to support your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is somewhat logical, but you could improve clarity by creating distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. This will enhance coherence.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and to make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Check for and correct grammatical errors to improve the overall readability of your essay. Consistent grammar usage is key to clearly conveying your ideas.
task achievement
You have maintained a clear position regarding the prompt, which helps in effectively addressing the task.
task achievement
You've provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example