Experts say if the old people spend time and get along with others and exercise every day, they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly are suffering from loneliness and lack of fitness. Discuss the causes and solutions?

#experts #people #time #exercise #loneliness #lack #fitness

Many

people

believe that spending time to get

along with

others and exercise every day is a good thing for old

people

’s health and mind,

otherwise

, they will be lonely and unhealthy. There are a number of reasons behind

this

point of view and several solutions should be proposed to change these problems. There are two primary reasons why many elderly are suffering from loneliness and lack of fitness as a cause of serious problems. One reason is that old

people

shouldn’t be alone because they can no longer afford to live alone without their children and grandchildren nearby.

Besides

, if one day they get sick or have old age disease, they won’t be able to take care of themselves.

For example

, a seventy-two-year-old person is at home alone and unfortunately falls so the family can’t help them on time. Another reason is that old

people

can’t do anything except read books,

watch

Correct word choice

and watch

show examples

TV,… cause they are not healthy enough for more intense activities.

Moreover

, there are many ways to change

this

problem.

Firstly

, they need to tell old

people

to exercise and pay attention to the elderly’s health.

Secondly

, governments should organize activities for lonely elderly

people

then

they can have more friends. In conclusion, many older

people

are alone and lack health for various reasons. But we still have different measures to change and improve

this

problem.

Submitted by lyhuongclc on Tue Apr 02 2024

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Consider broadening your examples and explanations to more deeply explore the causes and solutions. A more varied and detailed approach will strengthen your argument.

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Language

Integrating a wider range of vocabulary and expressions related to the topic could add depth to your essay and make your points more compelling.

Structure

You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.

Structure

Your essay maintains a logical structure, with each paragraph dedicated to specific aspects of the topic.

Supporting Evidence

Your use of examples, while they could be expanded, helps to illustrate your points and make your essay more informative.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

229 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Experts say if the old people spend time and get along with others and exercise every day, they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly are suffering from loneliness and lack of fitness. Discuss the causes and solutions?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is bette to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

In some countries, it can be difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes and effects of this problem?

Fossil fuels, such as coal, oil and natural gas, are the main source for many countries. However, some nations are using alternatie energy such as solar power and wind power. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

All students should study a foreign language in school, starting in their earliest grades. To What extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress, and how can we reduce it?