IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that some type of criminals should not go to prison. Instead, they should do unpaid work in the community. To what extent do we agree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A certain amount of people think that some types of criminals should not be sent to prison.
Instead
Linking Words
, violations executed by them could be designated for unpaid community work as amercement. I completely agree with the given statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the reason for most of the crimes is unemployment,
while
Linking Words
 most population work hard to earn a living, some choose to be lazy and look for unethical ways to earn wages. Small violations like pickpocketing, electronic theft, or running a gambling store which are less heinous, can be punishable with unpaid community services. People who are caught in
such
Linking Words
 an act would come to a realisation of the effort required to endeavour a 9-hour shift and if capable could earn a living after lawfully completing their punishment. A fair example of
this
Linking Words
 could be, a criminal who pickpockets a lot could end up sweeping the streets as trial.
This
Linking Words
 could
also
Linking Words
 help working full-time to earn a living,
instead
Linking Words
 of performing a crime.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, yet another popular crime could be running a gambling store. Some populations believe
this
Linking Words
 is the easiest way to earn.
This
Linking Words
 immoral method could be solved by social work like organising food drives for the needy.
Such
Linking Words
 a punishment could be helpful to realise the importance of earning capital legally and helping the masses would make beneficial use of the illegitimate money. An example of
this
Linking Words
 could be, offenders who are apprehended, who could be penalized to organise food drives daily in places for the poor and needy for a certain amount of time.
This
Linking Words
 in turn would make effective use of the earnings and they could be encouraged to start a small business as a street vendor. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some critics believe treating all criminals the same way is the right thing to do, I believe they deserve a second chance to focus on themselves and become better people. By volunteering they can change and earn a living ethically.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Your introduction is clear, but consider rephrasing to make it more impactful. The use of 'a certain amount of people' can be simplified to 'some people.'
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs could be improved. Use linking words to guide the reader through your arguments. For example, using 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' could enhance flow.
Task Response
While you provided some examples to support your arguments, including more specific details or statistics could strengthen your position. For instance, mentioning specific programs that involve community service could be beneficial.
Task Response
You express a clear opinion throughout the essay, which is crucial for task achievement. Your stance is well-defined, and you maintain this perspective consistently.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points and reinforces your main argument, providing closure to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: