IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

"prevention is better than cure". Research and treating is too costly. so it would be better to invest in preventive measure. To what extend do you agree.

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There is no doubt that numerous methods to prevent disease have appeared in recent years. Some argue that it is better to spend more money to innovate in prevention rather than cure. personally,
i
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 believe it will be useful to find a way to foresee the trouble of the body and
then
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 stop it,
therefore
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,
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 completely agree with
this
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 point of view, which can be supported by the reasons as follows. First and foremost, finding a way to detect the trouble which would become an incurable disease,including cancer or diabetes is indispensable for development of the medical science,
otherwise
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, it can be deadly.
In other words
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,an acute tumour would be deadly once it is detected and no more way or drug can cure it.
However
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, the appearance of preventive measures can detect it in advance making treating it possible. What's more, it would apparently reduce the pain of some diseases,
for example
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, lung tumour, which makes patients can't breathe and pain.
On the other hand
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, it is undeniable that investing in
this
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 area may have a potential impact on the cure or treatment field,and even spend double the money on it.In
this
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 regard,in my
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,
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 believe that would not be a problem if we make good use of the medical research funding to realise its ultimate value.
According to
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 the annual report of the Australian government ,almost 70% of citizens announced that there was a solid relationship between researching reasonably and expanding. With all the points above,the conclusion can be made that it would be better to invest in preventive measures.In
this
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 case,governments and individuals should devote sufficient funding to addressing medical research, and science workers,especially medical researchers should regulate it reasonably to avoid the misuse of funding.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Aim to present your ideas more clearly by structuring your sentences and paragraphs in a more organized manner. This will greatly enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples or data to support your arguments. This will help in making your points more persuasive and comprehensive.
Task Achievement
You have effectively stated your position and provided a clear conclusion that restates your viewpoint.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of an introductory sentence that clearly states your opinion on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • chronic diseases
  • cardiovascular
  • preventive measures
  • regular exercise
  • healthy diet
  • mental health check-ups
  • stress management
  • community support
  • vaccines
  • public health campaigns
  • outbreaks
  • influenza
  • measles
  • COVID-19
  • economic benefits
  • absenteeism
  • productivity
  • healthcare systems
  • balanced approach
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