Some children spend a long time each day on their smartphones.Why is this?is this a positive or negative development?

#children #time #smartphones #development

It is true that juveniles allot most of their

time

to their mobile

phones

every day.

This

is because parents do not pay

attention

to their

children

sufficiently and games in them are so addictive.

However

this

tendency can have negative consequences on their future

as well as

their health. On the one hand, the reason why

minors

spend much

time

on mobile

phones

is a lack of

attention

by parents.They have many responsibilities

such

as working and have not enough

time

to pay

attention

to their

children

Consequently

minors

can spend long hours on social media and games without any

time

limitation.

Secondly

,the contents of apps are so engrossing and entice

minors

For instance

, on YouTube ,there are myriad videos whose contents are related to

children

's interests and

as a result

,they watch them without feeling bored.

On the other hand

this

tendency can affect juveniles' future adversely as they allocate most of their

time

to mobile

phones

and have no

time

for studying.

As a consequence

,it deprives them of building their lives.What is more,excessive dependency on smartphones can have a detrimental impact on juveniles' well-being.They allow most of their

time

to them and in the long run,can encounter grave health problems in their eyes.To cite an example,as many

children

depend on

phones

excessively,they encounter eye problems and are obliged to wear glasses. Taking everything into account,overreliance on

phones

among

minors

is because of a lack of

attention

and the addictive content of apps and

this

phenomenon can be deleterious for the future and the health of those under 18

Submitted by Name_1234 on Tue Apr 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

Great job on maintaining a clear structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph has a clear focus, which helps in making your argument coherent.

task achievement

Your essay responds to all parts of the task efficiently. However, incorporating a wider range of examples and ensuring they directly support your arguments could enhance the comprehensiveness of your response.

general

To improve your score further, consider varying your sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary. This could make your essay even more engaging to the reader.

task achievement

While you've provided examples to support your points, adding specific details or statistics can make your arguments more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Maintained a clear structure with an introductory paragraph, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This logical structure facilitates understanding and makes your essay cohesive.

task achievement

You've successfully addressed why children spend a lot of time on their smartphones and outlined the potential negative impacts, meeting the task requirements efficiently.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

253 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some children spend a long time each day on their smartphones.Why is this?is this a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

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