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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the main factor influencing a child’s development these days are things such as tv, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #factor #child’s #development #tv #friends #music
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Some individuals argue that, in today's world, the primary contributing factors for
children
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's growth are friends and media, like television and music.
In contrast
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, others think that family continues to have a more profound
effect
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. Whilst the former are, undoubtedly, influencing factors in
youths
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' development, they cannot replicate the
effect
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 that their mothers and fathers can create
as a result
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 of their role model status. On the one hand, it must be said that, in the modern world,
youths
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 engage far more with their friends, television, and music, as opposed to their families. Whether it be attending school, going to after-school meetups, or partaking in extra-curricular activities,
children
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, undeniably, spend a
collosal
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colossal
 amount of time being exposed to these influencers.
For instance
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, many
youths
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 are known to adopt behaviours similar to their counterparts
due to
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 prolonged interactions with them. Yet, even though these can, indeed, influence their development, they cannot have the same level of impact as
parents
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 can thanks to their natural role of serving as examples.
On the other hand
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, adolescents are innately predisposed to view their mothers' and fathers' actions as exemplary
beaviour
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behaviour
.
In addition
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 to mimicking their phonological patterns,
youths
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also
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 mimic the actions of their
parents
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.
Furthermore
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, it is widespread for the former to develop similar character traits to the latter. To exemplify
this
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, daughters and sons of rigid, austere fathers tend to be
similarly
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 hard-headed and strict; clearly showing an influence.
Hence
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,
it is clear that
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parents
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,
due to
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 their nurturing position in
children
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's early life, play a much more significant role in their growth.
To sum up
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, the
effect
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 of different factors on
children
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's development is a controversial topic. And, despite the undeniable impact of things like colleagues and media,
it is clear that
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parents
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 have a much larger
effect
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 on
this
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 process
due to
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 their significance during the early growth process.
Submitted by denisbeytekin on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that transitions between your paragraphs and ideas are smooth. This will ensure that your essay flows well and that the reader can easily follow your argument.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, try to provide more specific and detailed examples that can support your points even more effectively. This will show a deeper level of engagement with the topic.
task achievement
You could strengthen your argument by addressing any potential counterarguments and explaining why your viewpoint still holds strong. This shows a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your essay well.
supported main points
Your main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic.
logical structure
Your essay displays a logical structure and is easy to follow overall.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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