Some people think children should learn to paint and draw at school. Others believe it is just a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There are
people
who think that doing art
at school
such
as painting and drawing is a waste of time. This
is a debatable topic as other people
do believe that art
must be added to school
subjects. I think it will be an advantage if schools
take painting and drawing seriously as other subjects in schools
.
People
who believe that learning painting and drawing at school
is a waste of time thinks
that Change the verb form
think
art
is an inborn talent and students do not necessarily have to study it at school
. Rather, the talented can just learn on their own and become professionals without taking lessons at school
. For exapmle
, in Correct your spelling
example
Zimbabwe
there is Add a comma
Zimbabwe,
the
famous artist named Dominic Benhura. He did not learn sculptoring in Correct article usage
a
school
but it is something he was born with and he nurtured it on his own. So people
believe that it is unnecessary to learn art
at school
when it is a gift that someone can be born with.
On the other hand
, people
who believe that painting and drawing should be learnt at school
base
on the fact that gifts must be polished and nurtured and the Wrong verb form
based
school
is the best place for that. It is also
at school
that other people
can learn about their gifts. For instance
, those schools
that offers
painting and drawing Change the verb form
offer
produces
the best artists and they can easily get Correct subject-verb agreement
produce
the
managers who can uplift their work unlike those who did not learn it in Correct article usage
apply
schools
. I totally agree with Fix the agreement mistake
school
this
view because to have professional painters and drawers, a school
cannot only offer drawing and painting lessons,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
how to manage their work and become outstanding in a world full of competition in the art
industry.
In conclusion, although
other people
think that it is a waste of time to learn painting and drawing at school
, I think those who believe the assertion that it should be learnt at school
are very correct. This
allows students to find their talents and polish them with the guidance of professional teachers.Submitted by sisalt100 on
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Task Achievement
Make sure you maintain a clear position throughout the response. Your essay presents a strong personal viewpoint, which is excellent. However, ensuring clarity in expressing this viewpoint in relation to the discussion points could enhance your task response score.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly. While the overall structure of your essay is good, enhancing these aspects could make your argumentation even more persuasive.
General
Proofread your text to catch and correct minor grammatical and spelling errors. This will polish your essay and potentially improve your score.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before stating your own opinion, which is a strength in task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a good introduction and conclusion, which effectively set up and summarize your argument, contributing to your score in coherence and cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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