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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with their academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals claim that pupils should not only be educated by an academic curriculum but
also
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 by practical activities ,
for example
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, how to maintain a car or manage a bank account. I completely agree that children should start learning certain real-life skills which will help them make strong decisions and build confidence. Learning practical ability helps the young generation to make the right choices.
Although
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 it is difficult to master these capabilities at that age, as they require consistency, children can understand these abilities gradually , and they can apply them to their real lives. When they constantly follow some tricks and find different solutions to problems, they will strengthen their decision-making skills.
For example
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, the more car problems they solve, the easier it becomes to produce a correct decision , empowering a strong sense of understanding.
This
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 will result in a very positive way because school learners have been educated on how to select wise options at a very young age.
Money
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 management expertise uplifts one's self-confidence because it teaches pupils to save funds for future purposes. Today's generation is attracted by expensive brands and trends, which often stimulates them to spend a large amount of
money
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. And
at the end
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, it becomes very difficult to save
money
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.
For instance
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, online banking mobile apps have provided several benefits to people to help them plan for
overall
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 spending.
This
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 plan will encourage individuals to save at least some amount of
money
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 and remain under budget. Because of these learnings, children can boost their confidence and upgrade their level of managing funds. In conclusion, it is essential to learn significant abilities in life because they play an important role in daily life. Maintaining a car and managing
money
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 are vital capabilities which should be learned early in life. If people have learned them during their academic years, they will raise self-esteem and build decision-making skills.

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coherence
Add one clear topic sentence for each paragraph so the reader knows the main idea at once.
development
Try to show more depth in each idea; give why and how, with stronger, real examples.
lexis/grammar
Use simple, exact word choices and avoid long, hard phrases to keep clear meaning.
accuracy
Check small mistakes in grammar and punct, so the writing looks tighter.
task response strength
You state a clear position from the start.
cohesion strength
The essay has a simple, easy-to-follow layout with intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
content strength
Examples are used to back up your ideas.
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