IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it's important to do so? What will be the effect if children are not taught history?

#people #value #world #effect #children #history
It is said the past can build the future.
However
, Some
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that studying
history
 is not a necessity anymore in
this
 contemporary world. In
this
 essay, I will discuss about
value
 and
imprtance
Correct your spelling
importance
 of
history
 and
also
 the impacts of neglecting the past on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
children
.
To begin
 with, I think
history
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a vital role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
's
life
. To clarify,
people
 can define their
identitty
Correct your spelling
identity
 by
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 the ancient during, a source of causes of the public culture.
Hense
Correct your spelling
Hence
show examples
, the parts of
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
old ages
Correct your spelling
Old Ages
show examples
incloud
Correct your spelling
included
 common festivals, general stories, famous events, and historical places
might
Correct pronoun usage
that might
show examples
 provide a background of past lives, helping
people
 to know themselves and their
envronment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Moreover
,
genrally
Correct your spelling
generally
, the past
strories
Correct your spelling
stories
 are full of
listens
Wrong verb form
listening
show examples
,
guiding
Correct word choice
and guiding
show examples
 individuals.
Undeniebly
Correct your spelling
Undeniably
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reviewing past wars and mistakes
due to
 kings and main political characters
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 important in order to not repeat those again.
Therefore
, the public can
take
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 experiences indirectly by
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 the ancient without
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
 to waste their
life
 and any loss.
However
, currently, most
children
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not pay attention to
this
 subject
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can result in loss of
personalisez
Correct your spelling
personalised
. Clearly,
children
 may
be confuse
Change the verb form
be confused
show examples
 about their personality and
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 define any meaning and
value
 of their identity.
For example
, the nationality
gloreis
Correct your spelling
glories
 and the
honores
Correct your spelling
honours
honorees
 in the
history
 may provide a
value
 of
children
's
life
 as they
commonely
Correct your spelling
commonly
 are curious about the past.
Thus
, they get
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in the present empty meanings like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media and how
gossips
Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
show examples
to make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 up
this
Change preposition
for this
show examples
 lack. In conclusion, some
people
 think
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 old ages have forgotten
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 advanced technology
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Since in my perspective
this
 subject is crucial for defining
personalites
Correct your spelling
personalities
personality
 and can take
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 experiences,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
children
 might face losing
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 of
life
 and drown themselves in the emptiness.
Submitted by mahdisonbolestan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Consider revising occasional grammatical errors and ensuring verb tense consistency to enhance clarity.
language use
Incorporate varied sentence structures and richer vocabulary to make your essay more engaging.
introduction tips
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, to firmly establish your stance from the beginning.
content enhancement
You could further strengthen your argument by incorporating more specific historical examples to support your points.
spelling
Pay attention to minor spelling errors and adjust them for a more professional presentation.
content strength
Your essay effectively communicates the importance of history in understanding cultural identity and learning from past mistakes.
structure achievement
You've structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument logically.
example usefulness
Using examples from history, such as wars and political mistakes, helps in illustrating your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical consciousness
  • cultural heritage
  • heritage preservation
  • forewarned is forearmed
  • historical figures
  • technological advancements
  • analytical skills
  • cultural awareness
  • progression of society
  • historical context
  • intellectual development
  • social cohesion
  • global perspective
  • past atrocities
  • critical thinking
What to do next:
Look at other essays: