Some people say that the studying at school is not important because the most important things are leant outside the school. Do you agree or disagree

Children these days are interested in many other extracurricular activities and many
schools
offer those courses. Some people still believe that there are many other important
things
which should be learned outside
school
and
studies
are not very important. I completely disagree with
this
statement and
this
essay will provide relevant examples and a conclusion to support my view.
Firstly
,
school
time is a crucial phase for the
students
where they are nurtured and taught the basics. The education that
schools
provide is very important for them to grow in their life. The
schools
are not limited to
studies
, they are
also
providing sports, language, soft skills and many other classes to help their
students
grow in their lives.
For example
, there are many
students
who are regular to
school
and
studies
which helps them to pass the
school
with a bright future. On the other side, there are many other
students
who are irregular or spend more time outside
school
and end up failing in their classes.
Furthermore
, there are many other
things
which are taught outside of the
school
but
that is
not their
age
to learn those kinds of
things
. Children going to
school
are around the
age
of 7 to 18 years and
that is
a very sensitive
age
where they should focus on their
studies
rather than spending time outside of their
schools
.
For example
,
students
who learn outside the
school
may know real-world situations but they may lack the basic education, skills and manners. In conclusion, I totally disagree with the idea that
students
should stop studying and learn from outside as their
age
is quite young to understand these kinds of
things
.
Additionally
, the quality education that they gain from
schools
is totally useful for them in their future life.
Submitted by tirththakkar23 on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your essay demonstrates this well, which helps the reader follow your argument.
cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to connect your ideas more explicitly using a range of linking words and phrases.
task response
To further improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task prompt directly. You've done well in expressing your disagreement and providing supporting reasons.
examples
Use specific examples to clarify and support your points. You’ve used examples effectively to illustrate your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
structure
You have successfully structured your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which greatly aids in the reader’s comprehension.
support
You've effectively provided relevant examples and reasons to support your view, which strengthens your argument.
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