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Band 7

Some people say that the studying at school is not important because the most important things are leant outside the school. Do you agree or disagree

#people #school #leant
Children these days are interested in many other extracurricular activities and many
schools
 offer those courses. Some people still believe that there are many other important
things
 which should be learned outside
school
 and
studies
 are not very important. I completely disagree with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will provide relevant examples and a conclusion to support my view.
Firstly
,
school
 time is a crucial phase for the
students
 where they are nurtured and taught the basics. The education that
schools
 provide is very important for them to grow in their life. The
schools
 are not limited to
studies
, they are
also
 providing sports, language, soft skills and many other classes to help their
students
 grow in their lives.
For example
, there are many
students
 who are regular to
school
 and
studies
 which helps them to pass the
school
 with a bright future. On the other side, there are many other
students
 who are irregular or spend more time outside
school
 and end up failing in their classes.
Furthermore
, there are many other
things
 which are taught outside of the
school
 but
that is
 not their
age
 to learn those kinds of
things
. Children going to
school
 are around the
age
 of 7 to 18 years and
that is
 a very sensitive
age
 where they should focus on their
studies
 rather than spending time outside of their
schools
.
For example
,
students
 who learn outside the
school
 may know real-world situations but they may lack the basic education, skills and manners. In conclusion, I totally disagree with the idea that
students
 should stop studying and learn from outside as their
age
 is quite young to understand these kinds of
things
.
Additionally
, the quality education that they gain from
schools
 is totally useful for them in their future life.
Submitted by tirththakkar23 on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your essay demonstrates this well, which helps the reader follow your argument.
cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to connect your ideas more explicitly using a range of linking words and phrases.
task response
To further improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task prompt directly. You've done well in expressing your disagreement and providing supporting reasons.
examples
Use specific examples to clarify and support your points. You’ve used examples effectively to illustrate your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
structure
You have successfully structured your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which greatly aids in the reader’s comprehension.
support
You've effectively provided relevant examples and reasons to support your view, which strengthens your argument.

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