IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the studying at school is not important because the most important things are leant outside the school. Do you agree or disagree

#people #school #leant
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Children these days are interested in many other extracurricular activities and many
schools
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 offer those courses. Some people still believe that there are many other important
things
Use synonyms
 which should be learned outside
school
Use synonyms
 and
studies
Use synonyms
 are not very important. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay will provide relevant examples and a conclusion to support my view.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
school
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 time is a crucial phase for the
students
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 where they are nurtured and taught the basics. The education that
schools
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 provide is very important for them to grow in their life. The
schools
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 are not limited to
studies
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, they are
also
Linking Words
 providing sports, language, soft skills and many other classes to help their
students
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 grow in their lives.
For example
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, there are many
students
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 who are regular to
school
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 and
studies
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 which helps them to pass the
school
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 with a bright future. On the other side, there are many other
students
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 who are irregular or spend more time outside
school
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 and end up failing in their classes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are many other
things
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 which are taught outside of the
school
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 but
that is
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 not their
age
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 to learn those kinds of
things
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. Children going to
school
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 are around the
age
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 of 7 to 18 years and
that is
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 a very sensitive
age
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 where they should focus on their
studies
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 rather than spending time outside of their
schools
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.
For example
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,
students
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 who learn outside the
school
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 may know real-world situations but they may lack the basic education, skills and manners. In conclusion, I totally disagree with the idea that
students
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 should stop studying and learn from outside as their
age
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 is quite young to understand these kinds of
things
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the quality education that they gain from
schools
Use synonyms
 is totally useful for them in their future life.
Submitted by tirththakkar23 on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your essay demonstrates this well, which helps the reader follow your argument.
cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to connect your ideas more explicitly using a range of linking words and phrases.
task response
To further improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task prompt directly. You've done well in expressing your disagreement and providing supporting reasons.
examples
Use specific examples to clarify and support your points. You’ve used examples effectively to illustrate your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
structure
You have successfully structured your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which greatly aids in the reader’s comprehension.
support
You've effectively provided relevant examples and reasons to support your view, which strengthens your argument.
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