IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children . Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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In today’s technological
era
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era,
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 the usage of computers and tablets is increasingly popular in
children
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's everyday lives. Whilst acknowledging that there are drawbacks, I will argue that using a computer is far more beneficial than its negatives because it provides more opportunities to learn about things
such
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 as science and language at a fast pace. Popularity of the computer technology has increased in all sectors worldwide, including education over the past few decades. Some people have seen it as a negative development as nowadays, some
children
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 have suffered from addictions to computer games and social media, which lead to not only mental and physical illnesses but
also
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 consequences on their performance of education. Without adult supervision,
children
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 tend to play online games for long hours and scroll through screens a whole day, which has resulted in negative effects on their eyesight and cognitive development,
for example
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.
On the other hand
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, if
this
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 advanced tool is managed to be used for educational purposes, not for entertainment, it can help boost
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 mind's academic performance and
also
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 broaden their bits of knowledge in any topic and context.
For
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this
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 reason, it brings more benefits to the next generations rather than drawbacks.
For instance
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, learning foreign languages is easier and relatively cheaper than it used to be in the past.
Moreover
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, many apps and platforms that offer a variety type of lessons can easily be installed on the PC is now ubiquity.
As a result
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, everyone can study remotely any subject at their own pace and interest.
To conclude
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,
although
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, if these electronic machines and devices are overused by
children
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 to entertain themselves, it can have negative effects on them, proper and adequate utilization can bring more
advantageous
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advantages
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such
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 as expanding
children
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's knowledge and learning something new.

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Task Achievement
Ensure to provide specific examples to support your claims. While you mention the benefits and drawbacks of computer usage, including real-life scenarios or studies enhances your argument.
Task Achievement
Try to maintain a balanced presentation of both sides of the argument, especially if the prompt asks for a discussion of both perspectives. This will ensure a thorough exploration of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of transitions and linking phrases to ensure that your essay flows well from one idea to the next. This will improve readability and the overall cohesion of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Divide your essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing a distinct point or aspect of your argument. Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence outlining the main point.
Coherence & Cohesion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument well and ensuring that your stance is clear.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay was well-structured, with a logical progression of ideas from introduction, through points of argument, to conclusion.
Task Achievement
You maintained a clear focus on the prompt throughout your essay, addressing the topic directly and providing reasoned arguments.
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