Some people believe that it would be beneficial if employees worked three or four days per week rather than five or six days. Why is this? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

One of the most controversial topics in
this
busy society relates to whether the introduction of fewer working
days
brings more benefits or not. In
this
essay, I elaborate on the reasons why a majority of employees believe it with some previous evidence. One of the reasons why
workers
think that shorter weekdays are more beneficial is that they can maintain higher productivity after they rest longer. If they do not have sufficient weekends to recover their physical and mental strength, it will affect their performance
while
working. Recently, research on
this
topic revealed that
workers
with fewer working
days
achieved higher productivity than others without when their weekly outcomes were compared.
Therefore
, it is likely to be advantageous to introduce it.  Another justification for
this
view is that 
this
implementation will raise employee's
royalty
Correct your spelling
loyalty
show examples
to their company. If companies
itroduce
Correct your spelling
produce
it and their
workers
can relish their day-offs more efficiently, they can improve their quality of life.
As a result
,
while
they will be eager to bring more contributions to their employers, the company will be
also
able to obtain reputations from the public. A good illustration is that after a certain company had implemented it the quality of their customer services was dramatically improved. They concluded that it was attributed to the increasing royalty of their personnel
due to
the fewer working
days
. In conclusion, many individuals think that the introduction of fewer working
days
will lead
positive
Change preposition
to positive
show examples
consequences
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
both
workers
and companies.
That is
because it will bring higher productivity and higher royalty among employees.
Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on

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lexical resource
Make sure to use a consistent terminology. 'Royalty' should be corrected to 'loyalty'.
evidence and examples
Try to elaborate more on the examples provided and how exactly they support your points for a stronger argument.
introduction
The essay has a clear introduction that presents the topic and the writer's stance effectively.
coherence structure
There is a coherent structure with well-linked paragraphs that guide the reader through the argument smoothly.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed in the essay, reinforcing the writer's argument.
task response
Main points are relevant and are generally well-supported with examples and explanations.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • productive
  • workplace stress
  • employee well-being
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon emissions
  • traffic congestion
  • flexibility
  • personal interests
  • implementation
  • workload
  • customer service
  • business operations
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