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Writing Samples /
Band 4

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this ? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

#business #emphasise #products #development
Currently, several businessmen and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 mention that their manufacturing
products
 are new in their advertising. From my perspective, I would argue
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not fairly reliable words because they do not have any guarantee certificate. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
this
 topic's major negative sides and reasons for
this
.
First,
a number of
people
 do business
job
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jobs
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 and of course major of them
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are entrepreneur
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entrepreneur
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entrepreneurs
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.
For instance
, these types of
job
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jobs
show examples
 could sell
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food and beverages or different labelled types of
products
, and they purchase them
for filling
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to fill
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 their reserve. The probability of staying
long
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a long
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 time in a reserve
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for
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some
products
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is
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so high, in that
case
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case,
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overdue
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overdue,
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 happen and if the owner
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 dishonest
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, or she will them to
people
 in order to make money under
name
Correct article usage
the name
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of
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apply
show examples
new.
Second,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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purchasing some stuff from
the
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apply
show examples
internet shops by using
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 delivery
service
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services
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, especially between
on
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apply
show examples
various
country
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countries
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 would not be the right way. The reason is,
this
Correct word choice
that this
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types
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type
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 of shopping
not
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does not
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 always wrap the real item
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a box and
that is
 a case
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of
show examples
a number of businesses emphasizing that their
products
 are new and authentic on the internet. When you take what you bought from online shopping you will disappear by seeing the fake delivery item.
While
 I agree
Add the preposition
on
to
with
show examples
some aspects, I must say
this
 one positive development side. At that time we may find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
righteous business owners and giving the manufactured item to
people
 will be new
beneficial
Correct word choice
and beneficial
show examples
.
To conclude
, If
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
emphasize that their product
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
new,
people
 should require
guarantee
Correct article usage
a guarantee
show examples
 certificate.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Structure
Consider organizing your essay more clearly with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion sections. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea.
Coherence
Use a variety of sentence structures and link ideas more effectively to improve the flow of your essay.
Task Response
Clearly address the question prompt by directly stating whether you think the emphasis on new products is a positive or negative development. Provide more balanced arguments if possible.
Language
Work on grammar and vocabulary to clearly express your ideas. Avoid vague terms and strive for precision in your language.
Support
You provided examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • novelty
  • excitement
  • latest trends
  • improvements
  • advancements
  • differentiating
  • competitors
  • innovation
  • progress
  • attracting attention
  • generating curiosity
What to do next:
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