IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

“Some people believe that exercise is the key to good health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important.” Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#“some #people #exercise #health #diet
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In the modern day, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 getting diseases is increasing rapidly. There are those who argue that the solution to being in good health is exercise,
while
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 say that the other way is more important as balancing diet. Both viewpoints will be examined throughout
this
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 essay. Indeed, it is quite noticeable that having exercises could bring about numerous benefits. The first and the most obvious reason is the improving heartbeat,
due to
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 the heart being a muscle.
Additionally
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, If
people
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 exercised in their own right, they would have a greater capacity for the movements of the muscles.
Due to
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this
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 reason that I mentioned, in terms of exercise totally assists
people
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 whether sleeping or joint moving, and these benefits lead consumers to prevent unexpected illnesses.
On the other hand
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, it is better to have a balanced dietary intake than to work out for several issues. The initial matter to be mentioned is the quantity of nutrients, currently, numerous
people
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 tend to consume more than they need.
According to
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 working-alcoholic habits,
this
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 action impacts
people
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's stress levels by eating much without consideration. So, controlling consumption is less consequence than working out because some experts said that 70% of consumption is affected and 30% of going through exercises.
Hence
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, the limitation of eating a calorie restriction takes advantage of as much as possible. In conclusion, both views have obviously different implications in terms of getting good healthcare outcomes. As a suggestion, the health experts and administration should cooperate to ensure the
people
Use synonyms
 about how to get longer lives properly and better health outcomes for individuals.
Submitted by sasinipapj on

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task response
Your essay effectively covers the topic, discussing the importance of both exercise and a balanced diet in maintaining good health. Try to further explore examples that support these ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You've successfully structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs on each viewpoint, and a conclusion. To improve, consider adding topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task response
You've effectively discussed the benefits of exercise, mentioning improved heart function and muscle capacity. This adds depth to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint. This makes your argument easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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