IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The quality of computer language translation has improved significantly in recent years. Therefore, it is not necessary for children to learn a foreign language. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely argued that children no longer need to learn a foreign
language
Use synonyms
, as the quality of computer translation has improved significantly in recent years.
However
Linking Words
, I completely disagree with
this
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 view because learning another
language
Use synonyms
 provides valuable opportunities to broaden one’s knowledge and secure a better future. The main reason children still need to learn foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 is to enhance their knowledge. Many valuable books and sources of information are written in different
languages
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as English, French, or Spanish, which can be difficult to understand without
language
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 skills.
For example
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, in Indonesia, most science books in university libraries are written in English, so students must have a good command of the
language
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 to fully comprehend the materials.
This
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 shows that learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 can greatly support children’s academic development. Another important reason for children to learn foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 is to secure their future. Having
language
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 skills is beneficial whether they plan to study abroad or work for international companies.
For instance
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, a recent Asian graduate with a good command of foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 often has better opportunities to teach in international schools, earning a higher salary than in public schools.
This
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 allows them to achieve financial stability at a younger age and live a more secure life. In conclusion,
although
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 machine translation has improved significantly, it cannot replace human learning and is not enough for children’s development. Learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 helps them broaden their knowledge and secure a better future, both academically and professionally.

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task response
Be sure to state your view clearly in the intro and restate it in the conclusion. Your position is clear, but you can show a stronger stance by using a short thesis line.
coherence
Topic sentences at the start of each paragraph help the reader follow your ideas. Each paragraph should begin with a clear point.
coherence
Use more linking words to connect ideas smoothly. Also group related ideas together.
examples
Add more specific examples or data to back up points. Examples should be realistic and vary in context.
grammar
Check grammar and sentence length to avoid long sentences that may confuse. Use simple sentences with correct grammar.
strength
Clear stance against the view with a direct answer.
structure
Solid structure with introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence
Reason and example connect to the idea.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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