Nowadays many young people are drawn towards dangerous sports. What makes them so attractive? What measures should be taken to regulate such sports and minimise the risks?

#people #sports #measures #minimise #risks

The attraction towards dangerous

sports

is becoming increasingly popular among the younger generations. In

this

essay, I am going to explain why these types of

sports

are getting so much attention and what can we do to make them safer. Turning

firstly

to the reason behind their popularity, in the 21st century, young people are actively looking for any type of rush or adrenaline. With a life spent mostly behind a computer screen, the need for a rush of excitement and fear is becoming more popular.

For example

, by seeking out dangerous

activities

, teenagers get to experience a state of pure terror and euphoria all at once.

This

temporary feeling can help them take their mind off of things and simply live in the moment.

Additionaly

Correct your spelling

Additionally

, it can be a great bonding activity to do with friends

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

or to record and share on social media.

On the other hand

, there are many risks to participating in potentially life-threatening

activities

. Young people are usually ineducated on how to perform adrenaline

sports

safely

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and are prone to getting injured or seriously hurt. Let's take rock climbing as an example.

While

it sounds like a safe sport, without proper training and safety measures, it can quickly become deadly.

Therefore

, as a society, we need to educate the younger generation on how to do the sport properly without sustaining injuries

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and inform them of all the potential risks that come with partaking in

such

dangerous

activities

. In conclusion, by participating in adrenaline

sports

activities

, teenagers get to unwind and forget about their troubles and everyday problems.

However

, in order to be able to do these

sports

safely, everyone should be informed about the risks and possible dangers.

Submitted by Sof on Mon Aug 12 2024

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coherence and cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, aim to create a smoother flow between paragraphs. Use more transitional phrases to link ideas within and between the paragraphs.

task achievement

To enhance task achievement, provide a broader range of specific examples. A wider variety of illustrations will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

Your ideas are generally clear, but try to provide a more detailed analysis for some points. For instance, delve deeper into why young people are particularly attracted to dangerous sports and explore broader societal factors.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.

task achievement

You have addressed both parts of the task by explaining the reasons behind the attraction to dangerous sports and suggesting measures to minimize risks.

task achievement

Your essay maintains a relevant focus throughout and provides specific examples to support your points, such as the discussion on rock climbing.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Extreme sports
Adrenaline rush
Thrill-seeking
Emotional experience
Peer pressure
Social influence
Community
Glamorous
Idolize
Safety protocols
Regulations
Certification
Equipment checks
Professionals and experts
Supervision
Guidance
Prevent accidents
Informed consent
Age restrictions

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Nowadays many young people are drawn towards dangerous sports. What makes them so attractive? What measures should be taken to regulate such sports and minimise the risks?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to their studies in school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

In the future nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that the development of technology and improved software allow us to translate between languages automatically. therefore, it is not necessary to learn foreign languages anymore. Do you agree or disagree ?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+