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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvntages?

#population #disadvntages
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Recently, there has been an increase in the number of elderly
people
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 around the world compared to the past. The
people
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 are separated into two groups:some believe that the ageing
population
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 is a burden in the community,
whereas
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 others think there are advantages to the growing elderly
population
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.
This
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 essay will argue that the downsides of a large, ageing
population
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 outweigh the benefits. 
To begin
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 with, the elderly always require special care since they do not have the ability to do the daily tasks alone.
For example
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,if they have some diseases,
such
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 as diabetes or hypertension, they are required to take their medication on time
in addition
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 to feeding well.
Therefore
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, they need to  a care provider because their children are workers and have busy lives, so they create a burden. Another drawback is that the majority of the ageing
population
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 are not workers and,
as a result
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, are not productive in the community. To illustrate,older
people
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 are usually more dependent on the living income of their children because they are not able to work because of their physical health or have a serious disease.
On the other hand
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, the advantage of the elderly is that they have sufficient knowledge and experience in life, so they are given good advice and guide their children in the right way.
However
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,I believe that over the years, the young generation will obtain the same experience.
To sum up
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, I support the idea that the growth of older
people
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 in the
population
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 has several disadvantages compared to the increase in the young
population
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 since they will be more creative, productive,productive and provide many benefits to society.
Submitted by jumanh114 on

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task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully developed and clearly explained for a stronger argument. Some points were introduced but not fully elaborated upon.
task achievement
Including a wider range of examples and evidences could strengthen your argument and support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve flow and make your essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more to demonstrate linguistic flexibility and complexity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, effectively outlines your argument and makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You have identified relevant advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view before stating your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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