Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opnion

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions #opnion

It is often argued that giving kids the freedom to make

decisions

for things that directly affect them is not a wise choice as it makes them more self-centred;

however

, others disagree and opine that it can help them to make better

decisions

in future.

This

essay agrees that

children

are not rational enough to make their own

decisions

and allowing them to do so makes them stubborn.

To begin

with, making smart

decisions

requires evaluating the advantages and disadvantages of the available options. Most

children

make choices which make them instantly happy even if it is not beneficial to themselves and others in the long run.

Consequently

, if

children

are given complete independence in making choices, they will be habituated to choose things which instantly gratify them despite having adverse effects on others.

For example

although

continuous consumption of chocolates is detrimental to their teeth, they will consume them if given the freedom to buy leading to unnecessary dental expenses for their parents. Some individuals like to believe that giving them the autonomy to decide aids in the development of their intellectual abilities related to evaluating the various choices on hand.

As a result

, they can make wiser

decisions

about their career and life.

However

this

point of view only applies to those who can understand that they have made a mistake and learn from it. Since kids can’t thoroughly evaluate the effects of their actions, in my point of view, it is illogical to expect

this

behaviour of learning from their mistakes from

children

To conclude

, kids should not be given leeway to decide what they want to buy because it makes them more

self-centered

Change the spelling

self-centred

show examples

as they will be most likely to choose something which gives them instant gratification even if it is bad for them in future.

Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on Wed Apr 03 2024

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Specific Examples

To improve your score, try to include more specific examples that directly support your arguments. This helps in making your points more vivid and persuasive.

Balanced Argument

Consider elaborating more on the opposing view. Addressing and refuting counterarguments can strengthen your own position and show a deeper understanding of the topic.

Linking Words

Work on linking your ideas more smoothly to improve the flow of your essay. This can be accomplished by using a wider range of linking words and phrases.

Structure

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in conveying your arguments effectively.

Task Response

You effectively addressed the prompt by discussing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion, which is essential for this type of task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

300 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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