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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opnion

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions #opnion
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It is often argued that giving kids the freedom to make
decisions
 for things that directly affect them is not a wise choice as it makes them more self-centred;
however
, others disagree and opine that it can help them to make better
decisions
 in future.
This
 essay agrees that
children
 are not rational enough to make their own
decisions
 and allowing them to do so makes them stubborn.
To begin
 with, making smart
decisions
 requires evaluating the advantages and disadvantages of the available options. Most
children
 make choices which make them instantly happy even if it is not beneficial to themselves and others in the long run.
Consequently
, if
children
 are given complete independence in making choices, they will be habituated to choose things which instantly gratify them despite having adverse effects on others.
For example
,
although
 continuous consumption of chocolates is detrimental to their teeth, they will consume them if given the freedom to buy leading to unnecessary dental expenses for their parents. Some individuals like to believe that giving them the autonomy to decide aids in the development of their intellectual abilities related to evaluating the various choices on hand.
As a result
, they can make wiser
decisions
 about their career and life.
However
,
this
 point of view only applies to those who can understand that they have made a mistake and learn from it. Since kids can’t thoroughly evaluate the effects of their actions, in my point of view, it is illogical to expect
this
 behaviour of learning from their mistakes from
children
.
To conclude
, kids should not be given leeway to decide what they want to buy because it makes them more
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
show examples
 as they will be most likely to choose something which gives them instant gratification even if it is bad for them in future.
Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on

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Specific Examples
To improve your score, try to include more specific examples that directly support your arguments. This helps in making your points more vivid and persuasive.
Balanced Argument
Consider elaborating more on the opposing view. Addressing and refuting counterarguments can strengthen your own position and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Linking Words
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly to improve the flow of your essay. This can be accomplished by using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
Structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in conveying your arguments effectively.
Task Response
You effectively addressed the prompt by discussing both viewpoints and providing your own opinion, which is essential for this type of task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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