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Band 6.5

In many coutries students take break of a year before entering into universities. What are the advantages and disadvantages.

#coutries #students #year #universities
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Today, having a year off before going to higher education levels is one of the common things for university
students
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 in many nations.On the one hand, learning new
skills
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 in the workplace and earning enough money for the rest of the education path are the main benefits of not going to university immediately, on the other facing health
problems
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 and losing the passion for having a higher education are the main drawbacks. Working as an intern in relevant fields in some companies before entering the university will bring practical
skills
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 to pupils.
Also
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, having a stable monetary
situation
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 is one of the key elements for
college
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students
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 when they have part-time jobs .
Firstly
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, Some
college
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students
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 are hired as junior employees to work for some specific companies free of charge where they can be faced with real
problems
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. So, they can learn practical
skills
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 which will be used as an important element in their future study field.
Secondly
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,sometimes
students
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 are funded partially or get paid by their company.So, their financial
situation
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 will be strong enough.
As a result
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, they can participate in their courses without concern about their monetary
situation
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.
However
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,
students
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 always be in danger of losing their enthusiasm for exceeding their journey to universities and facing different mental and physical
problems
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. If the money
that is
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 paid as a wage to interns is sufficient for them, pupils would enjoy
this
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situation
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 and drop out the
college
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 before attending it.
Furthermore
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, some of them just stay at home without doing anything. So,
this
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situation
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 would bring laziness to them with the danger of facing different mental disorders.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in 2007 between 200
college
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students
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 in Iran and the result showed that
students
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 who stayed at home for a year were more depressed rather than other
students
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. In conclusion, having a job after finishing high school is not only beneficial for
students
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 in terms of earning practical
skills
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 but
also
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 can bring some money for them to fund themselves.
However
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, they are always in danger of losing their passion for going to
college
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 or facing different health
problems
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 by staying at home for a year.
Submitted by ramtin.n1374 on

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Language Use
Try using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
Content
Consider integrating more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments.
Presentation
Make sure to clearly separate your paragraphs to enhance readability.
Balance
Excellent job in presenting both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages).
Coherence
Good use of transitions to move between ideas smoothly.
Structure
Effective introduction and conclusion that neatly bookend your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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