IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Governments should provide their people with health care programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #people #health #care #programs
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Governments bear a fundamental responsibility to establish comprehensive
healthcare
Use synonyms
 programmes for their citizens.
While
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 I concur that it is incumbent upon governments to ensure
healthcare
Use synonyms
 coverage, I contend that the burden of funding these initiatives should not solely rest on the state. Undeniably, I firmly advocate that governments should assume complete responsibility for delivering exceptional
healthcare
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 services to their citizens. By rendering medications and medical treatments affordable, individuals with modest incomes can effectively eradicate afflictions, notably pernicious diseases
such
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 as cancer, cardiovascular ailments, and chronic maladies, without the perpetual anguish of financial constraints. A meticulously orchestrated
healthcare
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 system proffered by the government would instil a sense of vigilance within the populace, prompting them to dutifully attend to their well-being.
This
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 would guarantee swift access to cutting-edge therapies in the face of grave illnesses,
consequently
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 emancipating individuals from the shackles of health-related apprehension and engendering an elevated standard of living.
Nonetheless
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, it is imperative to acknowledge the veracity that financing
such
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healthcare
Use synonyms
 endeavours presents an arduous conundrum, thereby making it implausible for the government to wholly assume
this
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 burden. The exorbitant cost of medicines and groundbreaking treatments is astronomical. Were the state to subsidise all associated expenditures, the ramifications for the economy would be dire. Escalating
healthcare
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 spending, exemplified by the United States where national
healthcare
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 expenditure is projected to surge from $3 trillion in 2019 to $5 trillion
this
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 year, engenders financial quandaries. These augmented outlays jeopardise other pivotal investments, encompassing educational enhancements, infrastructure development, and technological advancements, thereby unsettling the equilibrium of the economy. In conclusion, a balanced approach that involves partial state coverage of medical expenses is crucial for ensuring public well-being and maintaining economic stability, recognizing the government's responsibility for accessible
healthcare
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while
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 acknowledging the limitations of full financial support.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, maintaining a logical structure throughout. However, the progression between ideas could be improved with more explicit linking phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task, presenting arguments for both government provision of healthcare and the limitations of such an approach. However, to strengthen the response, specific examples and fuller development of ideas would be beneficial. Including specific evidence or case studies can significantly enhance the task response score by showcasing an ability to apply abstract arguments to real-world situations.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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