IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Developing countries require help offered by international organization to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aids is important. Other believe that practical aid and advice is more important. Discuss both these views and give youw own opinion.

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Nations of low socioeconomic status require the subsidisation of international organisations which look to ensure prosperity and growth for the receiving country.
While
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this
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 process is seen as important, others view the alternative, consultation and physical support as the correct option.
This
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 opinion appears as the correct conclusion since some governments are not always trustworthy with
funds
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. In
this
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 essay, both sides and the reasonings of the aid argument will be looked at.
Firstly
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, those who are less in favour of financial support and encourage the implementation of on-the-ground solutions often cite the poor handling of
such
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 assistance.
For example
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, the cases of the citizens in Eastern European countries receiving
funds
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 after the fall of the Soviet Union was that the wealth of government officials increased,
while
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 little benefit was displayed for the wider society.
As a result
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, it is argued that the promotion of economic development perhaps should solely be implemented by physical means, in the case of offering the employment of workers or specialists in each field, as opposed to encouraging corruption.
Secondly
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, the other side of the debate believes that annual handouts revive economies and ease the burdens of a collective.
In other words
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, there is little else other than financial backing on a regular basis to support an ally.
This
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 is seen in the case of Ukraine, which is currently at war with Russia, as its allies in NATO have put forward offerings of sums of wealth to help combat the current invasion. In
this
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 case, it is the least risky proposal, rather than risking their own troops and waging a wider war.
Additionally
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, these handouts provide
such
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 a nation with exactly what is needed, since economies can be easily restarted with endowments of adequate amounts. In summary, international organisations seek to prevent the collapse of cooperating countries by providing either practical solutions or monetary
funds
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. In my view, the countless examples of mishandled
funds
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 are a stronger point to consider. The ultimate goal is the encouragement of prosperity in a locality,
therefore
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, it is strongly advised to counter corruption and social inequality by fixing development issues practically.

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task response
Your introduction is clear and sets the stage for the essay by presenting both views and your stance. However, you might want to rephrase certain sentences for better clarity. For example, 'This opinion appears as the correct conclusion since some governments are not always trustworthy with funds.' could be smoother.
task response
Although you provided specific examples, such as Ukraine and Eastern European countries, you could enhance your essay by incorporating more specific details or broader range of examples to further substantiate your points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay generally flows well from one argument to the next, but occasionally the transition between points could be improved. Adding transitional phrases can make your argumentation clearer and more compelling.
general
Revisiting certain parts of your essay for grammatical accuracy and variety in sentence structure can make your writing even stronger.
structure
You have a well-defined structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing both points of view, and a concise conclusion.
task achievement
The examples you used were relevant and helped to illustrate your points effectively.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your viewpoint.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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