IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

You recently bought an electronic device for your home. Your friend wants to buy the same device and has asked for your advice. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter •describe the device •please explain why you bought it •say whether or not your friend should buy it and why.

#device #home #friend #advice #•describe #•please #•say
Dear Sam, I’m writing
this
 letter to let you know about the device, which I purchased recently. Since the third year of our course, I
was
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 planning to buy a home laptop for my parents.
Furthermore
, they can use it to make online payments, browse various websites, and much more. My computer has the latest processor
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and updated Microsoft Windows operating system, which helps the laptop to transfer the data and to open an application within a second.
Moreover
, I already mentioned the reason why I purchased
this
 automation device. Apart from that, I
also
 planned to use
this
 machine to create a cloud server, which helps me to save my files, from any corner of the world.
In addition
, I enabled a feature called virtual machine, which helps me to operate my system from my cell phone.
Finally
, I would like to provide some suggestions for
this
 computer.
First,
It will be very useful for your parents to edit Word documents.
Second,
the software is completely user-friendly.
Therefore
, your father and mother can operate
this
 machine without your help. I hope you can understand my suggestions, and looking forward to hearing from you soon. All the best, Kumar
Submitted by jeeveshkb22 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of the letter are clear, but ensuring a smooth transition between ideas within the body paragraphs could enhance readability.
task achievement
While you have covered the main points of the task, providing more specific examples and details about the device's features and its impact on your daily life would make your response more compelling.
task achievement
You effectively communicated the main purpose of the letter and clearly described the device, making your advice to your friend understandable.
coherence cohesion
Your letter has a good structure with an appropriate greeting, body, and closing, which makes it easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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