IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyles in the countryside. other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyles #countryside #health #cities
As the importance of keeping healthy lifestyles has been acknowledged by lots of
health
 experts, many
people
 believe that living in the
countryside
 would be helpful for them to maintain their
health
 by breathing fresh
air
.
On the other hand
, other
people
 argue that living in
cities
 is more beneficial to our
health
 condition because of the various infrastructures. Discussing both views would be important to us , especially in
this
 modern society.
To begin
 with, in recent years, the number of
people
 who want to move from
cities
 to the
countryside
 has gradually grown
due to
 some factors.
Firstly
,
this
 trend has risen to the development of social media like Instagram and TikTok. After some influencers uploaded organic lives of the
countryside
, showing their healthy life
such
 as farming vegetables, other
people
 are more likely to move their homes to the rural area.
Secondly
, the good
air
 quality is the advantageous thing of living in the
countryside
. Since the
air
 pollution in
cities
 is getting worse,
people
 are suffering from repository illness. For these reasons, many citizens prefer to move to the rural area.
However
, the advantages of living in
cities
 can outweigh the disadvantages. When it comes to infrastructures, there are a full of places that
people
 can visit to become healthy
such
 as sports centers, gyms, and hospitals. Especially, existing various hospitals are the most helpful benefits since treatments and taking medicines are exceptionally important to cure our
health
 problems.
Also
, working out at the gym can be the best way to keep healthy, so living in
cities
 makes it easier to have healthy lifestyles in the
countryside
.
To sum up
, I think that the most efficient way to get a healthy lifestyle is living in big
cities
 even though the
countryside
 has fresh
air
.
Submitted by ieltssss on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
When constructing your essay, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is expanded with relevant supporting details. Your paragraphs have main ideas but should provide more specific examples and evidence for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but to improve, the introduction could more precisely paraphrase the question and your opinion should be clearly stated. The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing both sides of the argument and your own viewpoint more effectively.
task achievement
The response addresses the task, but to achieve a higher score, ensure that you fully develop your arguments for both views and your own perspective with detailed reasoning and examples. Address all parts of the task more equally and clearly to meet the requirements of a higher band.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: