IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyles in the countryside. other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyles #countryside #health #cities
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As the importance of keeping healthy lifestyles has been acknowledged by lots of
health
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 experts, many
people
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 believe that living in the
countryside
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 would be helpful for them to maintain their
health
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 by breathing fresh
air
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.
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 argue that living in
cities
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 is more beneficial to our
health
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 condition because of the various infrastructures. Discussing both views would be important to us , especially in
this
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 modern society.
To begin
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 with, in recent years, the number of
people
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 who want to move from
cities
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 to the
countryside
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 has gradually grown
due to
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 some factors.
Firstly
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,
this
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 trend has risen to the development of social media like Instagram and TikTok. After some influencers uploaded organic lives of the
countryside
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, showing their healthy life
such
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 as farming vegetables, other
people
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 are more likely to move their homes to the rural area.
Secondly
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, the good
air
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 quality is the advantageous thing of living in the
countryside
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. Since the
air
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 pollution in
cities
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 is getting worse,
people
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 are suffering from repository illness. For these reasons, many citizens prefer to move to the rural area.
However
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, the advantages of living in
cities
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 can outweigh the disadvantages. When it comes to infrastructures, there are a full of places that
people
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 can visit to become healthy
such
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 as sports centers, gyms, and hospitals. Especially, existing various hospitals are the most helpful benefits since treatments and taking medicines are exceptionally important to cure our
health
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 problems.
Also
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, working out at the gym can be the best way to keep healthy, so living in
cities
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 makes it easier to have healthy lifestyles in the
countryside
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.
To sum up
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, I think that the most efficient way to get a healthy lifestyle is living in big
cities
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 even though the
countryside
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 has fresh
air
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.
Submitted by ieltssss on

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coherence cohesion
When constructing your essay, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is expanded with relevant supporting details. Your paragraphs have main ideas but should provide more specific examples and evidence for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but to improve, the introduction could more precisely paraphrase the question and your opinion should be clearly stated. The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing both sides of the argument and your own viewpoint more effectively.
task achievement
The response addresses the task, but to achieve a higher score, ensure that you fully develop your arguments for both views and your own perspective with detailed reasoning and examples. Address all parts of the task more equally and clearly to meet the requirements of a higher band.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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