IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to artists, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #musicians #poets #waste #money
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It is thought by some
people
Use synonyms
 that
governments
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 should spend some expenditure wages from the state budget to help actors, singers and poets,
whereas
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; opponents think it is a futile spending of money. Both perspectives regarding
this
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 notion are discussed with
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 pertinent examples
further
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 in
this
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 essay. In order to those
people
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 who think that
governments
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 should raise helping hands to provide financial support to the entertainer personalities of our nation. To be more precise, artists, instrumental players and philosophers are the prominent entertainers in our lives. They are significant resources to rejuvenate our minds and body after tiring work schedules.
For Example
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, artists
plays
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play
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vital
Add an article
a vital
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 role in
media
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the media
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 industry
to showcase
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by showcasing
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 dramas and movies as a fascinating way of entertainment for
people
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.
Similarly
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, musicians sing songs, help us to unwind stress and refresh us in our daily lives. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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, to escalate and maintain these evoking activities government should facilitate them both financially and morally.
Morover
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Moreover
, poetry is pivotal for the identification and civilization of a country, it is necessary for the
governments
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 to conduct event which emphasises on mother language
in
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of
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 a nation.
On the other hand
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, those few who do not agree with
this
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 notion are not
on
Rephrase
apply
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right. It would not be a waste of money if
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
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 budget is impromptu. It will be wrong if exceed amount
is spend
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is spent
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 only on these entertainments by forgetting other
mendatory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
 aspects of a country
such
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 as health, education and employment etc.
For example
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,
people
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 who germane to
under privileged
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underprivileged
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 families for
them
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the
show examples
Use synonyms
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
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 spending on other activities prior to their basic needs to mitigate their poverty is wasted.
To conclude
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, it is
imparitive
Correct your spelling
important
 for
the
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apply
show examples
governments
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 to support artists, musicians and poets
finicially
Correct your spelling
financially
 to gain multifarious benefits
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 these entertainments, to maintain cultural assets, diminish nation
people
Use synonyms
's stress and widespread mother tongue
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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poetry plays around the world. In my
assertion
Add a comma
assertion,
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 it should be
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 obligation to maintain and facilitate them financially and morally.
Submitted by amnamunir764 on

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Tone
Be mindful of maintaining a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid colloquial phrases like 'help us to unwind stress' to keep the formal integrity of your writing.
Grammar
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and plural forms to avoid small errors, such as 'government should facilitates' instead of 'government should facilitate'.
Structure
To enhance the clarity of your argument, consider using more paragraph breaks to separate and highlight your main ideas.
Content
You provided a balanced discussion by presenting both viewpoints before stating your own opinion.
Examples
You effectively used examples to support your points, making your argument stronger and more relatable.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points and clearly states your opinion, which is a good practice for IELTS essays.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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