In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?

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There are multi-cultural

people

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who socialize and live together in some places. I believe that the advantages outweigh its disadvantages.

This

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essay will discuss why living in a multi-national society is better.

Firstly

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, living and working with other

countries

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people

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can enhance understanding of diverse cultural backgrounds. These benefits broaden our horizons to see others, which is extremely useful in our daily activities.

For instance

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people

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living in multicultural

countries

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such

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as Australia and Canada, can be successful in any social

sector

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because they more know about diverse cultures compared to others.

This

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is because they experienced many

people

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from all over the world at their workplaces or schools.

Secondly

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, a multicultural society enhances a

country

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's economic perspective.

This

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is because parents and relatives visit their child or friend as a tourist from overseas, which is huge revenue to the

country

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. Not only, does tourism benefit the

country

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, but

also

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education is the main

sector

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of the economy.

For example

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, most foreigners pursue higher degrees at university in multi-cultural

countries

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, which is expensive and would be the main revenue of the

country

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's GDP.

On the other hand

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however

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, studying and working abroad in multicultural

countries

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can have some disadvantages,

such

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as high life expenses and high tuition fees are high, I believe that

this

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can be overcome as long as

people

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have jobs. These developed

countries

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always offer higher salaries than other

countries

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therefore

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, many

people

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prefer to live in those well-developed

countries

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To conclude

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, I believe that living in a multicultural

country

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is a better idea, and the benefits outweigh its drawbacks. Because

people

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who live in these

countries

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usually have broad minds and can be successful in any

sector

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Additionally

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this

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multi-cultural society can bring a lot of money to the

country

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because of the educational

sector

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While

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this

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perspective has some drawbacks,

people

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can handle them easily if they have a job.

zulzayanyamkhuThu Apr 04 2024

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task achievement

Your essay does a great job of addressing the prompt directly, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic. To further improve, you could consider integrating even more diverse examples from various sectors or countries to deepen the analysis.

coherence cohesion

The logical flow of your essay is commendable. To enhance coherence and cohesion, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly. This will also help in making transitions between paragraphs smoother.

coherence cohesion

While your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, refining your thesis statement to more directly reflect the nuances of your argument could provide a stronger framework for your essay.

task achievement

The balanced examination of advantages and acknowledges potential disadvantages strengthens your argument and shows a mature understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Your use of specific examples, such as the references to Australia, Canada, and the impacts on both the tourism and education sectors, effectively supports your main points.

coherence cohesion

Your essay's structure is logically organized, with each paragraph developing a separate point that contributes towards building an overall argument.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Cultural diversity
Social cohesion
Economic prosperity
Integration
Cultural identity
Heritage preservation
Language barriers
Global talent
Innovation
Inclusion
Tolerance
Intercultural understanding

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In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more people nowadays visit well-known places to take photographs of themselves, without looking at the place. Why do you think this happen? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Some people believe that children learn better when they are placed in classes with children of similar academic abilities. Others believe that children learn better when they are in classes with children representing a diverse range of academic abilities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, students live at home with their family while they study at university, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do the advantages of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

Traffic congestion is becoming increasingly problematic in major cities. What solutions can you suggest to help solve the problem?

It is important for children to learn difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?