In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
There are multi-cultural
people
who socialize and live together in some places. I believe that the advantages outweigh its disadvantages. Use synonyms
This
essay will discuss why living in a multi-national society is better.
Linking Words
Firstly
, living and working with other Linking Words
countries
Use synonyms
people
can enhance understanding of diverse cultural backgrounds. These benefits broaden our horizons to see others, which is extremely useful in our daily activities. Use synonyms
For instance
, Linking Words
people
living in multicultural Use synonyms
countries
, Use synonyms
such
as Australia and Canada, can be successful in any social Linking Words
sector
because they more know about diverse cultures compared to others. Use synonyms
This
is because they experienced many Linking Words
people
from all over the world at their workplaces or schools.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, a multicultural society enhances a Linking Words
country
's economic perspective. Use synonyms
This
is because parents and relatives visit their child or friend as a tourist from overseas, which is huge revenue to the Linking Words
country
. Not only, does tourism benefit the Use synonyms
country
, but Use synonyms
also
education is the main Linking Words
sector
of the economy. Use synonyms
For example
, most foreigners pursue higher degrees at university in multi-cultural Linking Words
countries
, which is expensive and would be the main revenue of the Use synonyms
country
's GDP. Use synonyms
On the other hand
, Linking Words
however
, studying and working abroad in multicultural Linking Words
countries
can have some disadvantages, Use synonyms
such
as high life expenses and high tuition fees are high, I believe that Linking Words
this
can be overcome as long as Linking Words
people
have jobs. These developed Use synonyms
countries
always offer higher salaries than other Use synonyms
countries
, Use synonyms
therefore
, many Linking Words
people
prefer to live in those well-developed Use synonyms
countries
.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, I believe that living in a multicultural Linking Words
country
is a better idea, and the benefits outweigh its drawbacks. Because Use synonyms
people
who live in these Use synonyms
countries
usually have broad minds and can be successful in any Use synonyms
sector
. Use synonyms
Additionally
, Linking Words
this
multi-cultural society can bring a lot of money to the Linking Words
country
because of the educational Use synonyms
sector
. Use synonyms
While
Linking Words
this
perspective has some drawbacks, Linking Words
people
can handle them easily if they have a job.Use synonyms
Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay does a great job of addressing the prompt directly, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic. To further improve, you could consider integrating even more diverse examples from various sectors or countries to deepen the analysis.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is commendable. To enhance coherence and cohesion, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly. This will also help in making transitions between paragraphs smoother.
coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, refining your thesis statement to more directly reflect the nuances of your argument could provide a stronger framework for your essay.
task achievement
The balanced examination of advantages and acknowledges potential disadvantages strengthens your argument and shows a mature understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the references to Australia, Canada, and the impacts on both the tourism and education sectors, effectively supports your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is logically organized, with each paragraph developing a separate point that contributes towards building an overall argument.