In multi-cultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?
There are multi-cultural
people
who socialize and live together in some places. I believe that the advantages outweigh its disadvantages. This
essay will discuss why living in a multi-national society is better.
Firstly
, living and working with other countries
people
can enhance understanding of diverse cultural backgrounds. These benefits broaden our horizons to see others, which is extremely useful in our daily activities. For instance
, people
living in multicultural countries
, such
as Australia and Canada, can be successful in any social sector
because they more know about diverse cultures compared to others. This
is because they experienced many people
from all over the world at their workplaces or schools.
Secondly
, a multicultural society enhances a country
's economic perspective. This
is because parents and relatives visit their child or friend as a tourist from overseas, which is huge revenue to the country
. Not only, does tourism benefit the country
, but also
education is the main sector
of the economy. For example
, most foreigners pursue higher degrees at university in multi-cultural countries
, which is expensive and would be the main revenue of the country
's GDP. On the other hand
, however
, studying and working abroad in multicultural countries
can have some disadvantages, such
as high life expenses and high tuition fees are high, I believe that this
can be overcome as long as people
have jobs. These developed countries
always offer higher salaries than other countries
, therefore
, many people
prefer to live in those well-developed countries
.
To conclude
, I believe that living in a multicultural country
is a better idea, and the benefits outweigh its drawbacks. Because people
who live in these countries
usually have broad minds and can be successful in any sector
. Additionally
, this
multi-cultural society can bring a lot of money to the country
because of the educational sector
. While
this
perspective has some drawbacks, people
can handle them easily if they have a job.Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on
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task achievement
Your essay does a great job of addressing the prompt directly, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic. To further improve, you could consider integrating even more diverse examples from various sectors or countries to deepen the analysis.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is commendable. To enhance coherence and cohesion, try using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly. This will also help in making transitions between paragraphs smoother.
coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, refining your thesis statement to more directly reflect the nuances of your argument could provide a stronger framework for your essay.
task achievement
The balanced examination of advantages and acknowledges potential disadvantages strengthens your argument and shows a mature understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the references to Australia, Canada, and the impacts on both the tourism and education sectors, effectively supports your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is logically organized, with each paragraph developing a separate point that contributes towards building an overall argument.
