some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortages of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In today’s world, many workers are currently in the loop of unlimited work, they have to work all day and all night since the higher positions are competitive, some hold the belief that it is best to admit awful circumstances
while
others, in contrast
, said that it is better to be determined and improve such
situations
, both sides of the argument will be discussed on this
essay.
The first aspect to point out is that some employees tend to accept overworked jobs or an unfriendly atmosphere in workplaces with unsatisfied salaries for many reasons. For instance
, some workers have to face impoverished situations
in which they should try to earn some money to at least help them survive without considering other factors. Additionally
, the better situations
such
as a higher position, growth of salary and a nice workplace are very competitive due to
the high demand, resulting in some people deciding to accept their own status.
On the other hand
, some people argue that putting in an effort and trying to overcome such
situations
will be better. As a consequence
, it may lead to advancement opportunities in work life, along with
a greater amount of income. Moreover
, it also
assists individuals to improve their skills further
and get rid of unpleasant feelings in unsatisfied jobs.
In conclusion, it depends on personal aspirations and their current situations
based on various factors. According to
me, I prefer to give it a shot to overcome obstacles. Since I prioritize my mental health first,
without the
happiness in doing something, the results will not be Correct article usage
apply
well
.Correct word choice
good
Submitted by rasita.pare on
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task achievement
Try to make your argument more persuasive by strengthening key points and using specific examples. Currently, your examples are a bit generic, which might be reducing the impact of your argument. For instance, consider giving concrete examples of individuals or scenarios that illustrate each viewpoint more vividly.
coherence and cohesion
Work towards refining your paragraphs so that transitions between points are smoother. Although your essay is quite logical, it would benefit from more fluid transitions to enhance the overall readability and coherence. Introducing transitional phrases could help link your ideas more cohesively.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structures and use a range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and to demonstrate a higher command of English. This will not only make your essay more engaging but also reflect your linguistic prowess.
task achievement
Expand the conclusion slightly to provide a more comprehensive summary of both viewpoints discussed in the essay. While your conclusion encapsulates your personal stance well, a succinct summary of the main arguments would make it more robust and complete.
task achievement
Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion well, and you have clearly outlined both sides of the argument. This sets a solid foundation for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You maintain a logical structure throughout the essay, which makes your argument easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The language used is generally clear and precise, which aids in conveying your ideas effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.