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Band 7.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #competition #work #school #life
Competition
 is quite universal in our society.
However
,
people
 have various opinions on
this
 phenomenon. Some believe that
competition
 is beneficial to social development, but the opposing side points out
competition
 offers many detrimental effects on human beings. From my perspective,
competition
 could create obstacles in various areas if not handled properly. Undoubtedly, being competitive is crucial on some particular occasions, especially when
people
 have dedicated themselves to doing some meaningful jobs, which would bring positive influences to individuals and society. Appropriate
competition
 could unleash
people
's potential, stimulating them to achieve their goals passionately.
Furthermore
, higher motivations and creativities caused by
competition
 would create prosperity in the world.
For example
, Silicon Valley has a competitive working atmosphere where talented brains are competing to innovate better technologies to serve the community. So, our life quality gets improved by many technical innovations.
On the other hand
, it is apparent that life has become more stressful and difficult
due to
competition
, even young children have to suffer it at school.
In other words
, excessive
competition
 may destroy
people
's normal life that should be full of cooperation and support among
people
.
Consequently
,
people
 would be more selfish and unfeeling without emotion and compassion, which makes threats against human civilizations.
Therefore
, more and more
people
 are starting to review the importance of cooperation and reflect on the implications of
competition
. In my opinion,
competition
 has to be limited in a particular frame,
such
 as fairness and morality,
otherwise
, it would be more harm than good. All in all, humanity as a whole, should seek more cooperation.
Submitted by Timothy on

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task achievement
Ensure that the examples used in your essay directly support your points. For instance, while the mention of Silicon Valley is effective, it could be further detailed to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Try to develop your counterarguments further to strengthen your response. Discuss how cooperation can yield benefits similar to or greater than competition in the same situations.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure smoother flow throughout your discussion.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents both views and your own opinion, establishing a solid foundation for the essay.
logical structure
The essay maintains a logical structure, making it easy to follow your arguments and counterarguments.
relevant specific examples
You effectively use a specific example by referencing Silicon Valley, which illustrates how competition can lead to innovation and societal benefits.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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