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Writing Samples
Band 6

Technology is becoming progressively universal. In the fullness of time, classroom teachers will be totally substituted for technology. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is no doubt that technology is becoming increasingly prevalent in classrooms these days. There are some people
say
Correct pronoun usage
who say
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 that technology should take over the place of
teachers
Use synonyms
. I firmly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because the cost will be expensive and cannot meet the individual needs of
learners
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. Replacing
teachers
Use synonyms
 completely in the classroom with
technologies
Use synonyms
 is not feasible for school management as it costs a significant amount of money. Schools usually have limited funding, and replacing all educators with advanced
technologies
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 requires new equipment
such
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 as tablets with interactive touch screens, electronic
white boards
Correct your spelling
whiteboards
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 and cameras which enable school operators to monitor students. In
this
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 case, operating a high-tech classroom would be more expensive than having educators
on site
Add a hyphen
on-site
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.
Therefore
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, it would be impossible to replace educators.
On the other hand
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, taking over personnel with technology may lead to the individual needs of students being unmet. It is because the learning skills and capabilities of every single student are different, without proper guidance and supervision from experienced trainers, it would be difficult to design tailored study plans to meet individuals' needs.
For example
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,
learners
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 who have been diagnosed with ADHD should not be taught the same as other peers in the classroom, a detailed teaching strategy should be implemented by
teachers
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 to accommodate the needs of these special
learners
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whereas
Linking Words
technologies
Use synonyms
 cannot do
.
Rephrase
so.
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Hence
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, having all
teachers
Use synonyms
 replaced by
technologies
Use synonyms
 may oversee
learners
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 who have special study needs. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the statement that
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be fully replaced by modern
technologies
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 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 cost over budget and usually do not meet the study needs of students who have special conditions.

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Essay structure
Consider varying your sentence structures further to enhance the complexity and readability of your essay.
Argument development
To improve your task achievement score, you could include a broader range of arguments and possibly counterarguments to make your stance more comprehensive.
Examples and evidence
Ensure all paragraphs are fully developed. It can further strengthen your argument to include an example or data in every main paragraph.
Structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively outlines your position and summarizes your main points.
Organization
You effectively use paragraphs to organize your ideas, which aids in the essay's overall coherence and cohesion.
Examples
You provide specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • progressively
  • substituted
  • prevalent
  • crucial
  • enhance
  • support
  • guidance
  • interaction
  • personal touch
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