IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Higher education can be funded in several ways including the following three: 1. All costs are paid by government. 2. All costs are paid by the student. 3. All costs are paid by the student using loans from the government that must be replaid after graduation. Discuss the benefits of each option. Which is the best one?

Studying in higher education has many funding options. These include sponsorship by the government, sponsorship by the students themselves or to be paid by the students using government loans
then
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 repaid after finishing their
school
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.
While
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 these choices seem pretty daunting, each has its own benefit/s which will be elaborated in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, let's dive into the brighter side of government funding. It is absolutely a relief when a
student
Use synonyms
 is not bothered by the
school
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 fees. The focus will be on the academics itself because there will be less distraction and
as a result
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, it will make the
student
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 excel to his fullest potential. He will
also
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 have more time to join other extracurricular activities.
Secondly
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, tuition fees will be shouldered by the
student
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 himself. At
first,
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this
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 might be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
burdensome to a
student
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 who has limited financial support because not only do they have to budget their tuition but
also
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 other
school
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 expenses
such
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 as food allowance and transportation going to and from
school
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the good thing is when the
student
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 graduates, he or she will have no debt to pay. When he or she starts
or
Correct pronoun usage
his or
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 her first job, there will be no salary deduction from loans. He will have more funds to start his life post-graduation.
Hence
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, he or she can purchase things that he/she aimed for when he/she was unable to buy them
due to
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 financial constraints
while
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 studying.
Thirdly
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,
school
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 fees are paid by the pupil using loans
then
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 repaid after graduation.
This
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 will benefit the
student
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 who doesn't have money but is enthusiastic about studying because he can
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 right away.
This
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 will provide an opportunity for the
student
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 to pay the loan later because he has plenty of time to earn
while
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 he studies. And as early as he starts to work
while
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 studying, he will gain more work experience than those who focus on the study alone.
Overall
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, every option has its advantages but it will really depend on the individual on how they will use the available resources. With that regard, there should be no excuse for getting into higher education.

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task achievement
The essay covers the topic well but could give more specific examples to support the points made.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next one for better coherence.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction presents the topic but could include a clear thesis statement to guide the reader on your main argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear understanding of the three funding options.
task achievement
Each point is addressed with some benefits discussed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equal access
  • financial background
  • educated workforce
  • social equality
  • financial stress
  • government expenditure
  • sense of responsibility
  • financial stake
  • lower-income families
  • financial management skills
  • financial stability
  • immediate financial burden
  • repay the loans
  • significant debt
  • post-graduation
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