IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before.Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments.Other people think there are benefits if a society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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With the advancements in medical science, the life span of human beings has increased in many developed nations.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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long
Correct article usage
the long
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 and healthy life of people is considered a symbol of a successful society, some folks consider the elderly population a burden on the country.They may be right to some extent but
dying
Correct article usage
the dying
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 of citizens at a younger
age
Use synonyms
 is not at all a positive indicator for any
nation state
Add a hyphen
nation-state
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. Having a prolonged disease-free survival is a dream of every individual.Many countries have transformed
this
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 dream into reality by investing heavily
on
Change preposition
in
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health
Add an article
the health
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 sector.If a person knows that he has the potential
of surviving
Change preposition
to survive
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 to old
age
Use synonyms
, he can plan his future
accordingly
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
, my uncle who is fit at
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the age
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age
Correct article usage
the age
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 of 70 years after having two jobs is now considering
Change the verb form
spending
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to spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 time with
grand children
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
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 number of healthy older residents in a society can contribute towards
national
Correct article usage
a national
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 cause.
For instance
Linking Words
, most retired persons remain on the reservist list in many armies and are called for active service during times of war.These disease-free persons can be helpful in many aspects like working as a part of think
tank
Fix the agreement mistake
tanks
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, giving voluntary service for literary activities and making plans by sharing their own battle experience.
However
Linking Words
, there is always another side of the coin.
More
Correct article usage
The more
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 the ailing population in a country,
more
Correct article usage
the more
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 the government will have to spend on them for welfare.As an example, in Pakistan, the employees after retirement get a lot of money as
pension
Correct article usage
a pension
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 which is doubled at
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
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 of
seventy five
Add a hyphen
seventy-five
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 years and often the benefits are given to the families of the deceased.All these expenses are
born
Correct your spelling
borne
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 by the government which
put
Wrong verb form
puts
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 more pressure on the earning lot by applying greater tax.
In addition
Linking Words
, many of these sick individuals are dependent on family members for their physical needs.
This
Linking Words
 means more members of a community are unavailable for active
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 as they are bound to look after debilitated patients. To summarize, getting an illness-free advanced
age
Use synonyms
 is a blessing for residents who may contribute to nation-building.
Overall
Linking Words
 the merits of increased
age
Use synonyms
 outweigh
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 of its demerits.

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coherence cohesion
You've presented a well-structured argument with clear paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas, greatly aiding comprehension. Continue to refine this skill to enhance clarity even further.
task achievement
Remember to directly address the question prompt in your introduction and conclusion to ensure your position is clear from the beginning.
task achievement
Using examples from personal or public life helps contextualize your arguments, making them more persuasive. Keep integrating such examples to strengthen your points.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, facilitating a coherent and cohesive read.
transitions
You've effectively used transitions to link ideas between paragraphs, which helps maintain a strong flow of thought throughout the essay.
content
Your argument is well supported with specific examples and reasoning, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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