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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the environment, others maintain that the major profit is the development of world business. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion.

#people #benefit #cooperation #environment #profit #development #world #business
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Some people harbour a belief that the main purpose of international cooperation is to improve environmental issues whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint that
business
 growth is more important when it comes to global connections. From my perspective, I am inclined to stand neutrally with both sides since they are equally vital to creating global progress.
Initially
, one of the main arguments in favour of focusing on environmental conservation in international collaboration is that the Earth has become a village that needs all humans to protect it.
For example
, the severe problem of climate change has incredibly influenced the habitats of polar bears which is an issue that cannot be solved by people from a particular region.
Thus
 it is significant to set up global rules to conserve the environment. The global charcoal emission agreement is salient evidence that results in positive effects.
According to
 the aforementioned, International cooperation indeed plays an indispensable role in environmental protection. At the other end of the spectrum, global collaboration in
business
 will not only precipitate financial growth but
also
 create industrial innovation. Through interactions between people from different countries, some innovative ideas may pop up and even bring about improvements in industries.
In addition
, the potential markets brought by international cooperation cannot be ignored as its impact has a higher possibility to widespread around the world.
Hence
, companies cooperating with foreign companies will enhance their
business
 and make progress in their fields thanks to the communication between diverse cultures and technical skills.
To sum up
, despite the fact that environmental conservation requires all human beings to work together, the merits of International
business
 connections cannot be omitted.
Therefore
, individuals should strike a balance between conserving the surroundings and developing
business
 so as to create long-term benefits and a sustainable world.
Submitted by s99104032 on

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Task Achievement
Consider incorporating more specific, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure to maintain a clear position throughout your essay to enhance task responsiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Keep improving your essay's flow by varying your sentence structures and linking words for a seamless reader experience.
Task Achievement
Excellent balance in discussing both views and providing a neutral, well-supported personal opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Great use of an introductory and concluding paragraph to frame your essay effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs are well structured, each focusing on a single main idea, which enhances coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international cooperation
  • environmental policies
  • green technologies
  • combating climate change
  • global trade
  • foreign investments
  • international standards
  • regulations
  • global sustainability
  • mutually beneficial
  • long term well-being
  • complexity
  • balanced approach
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