One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In
modern
Add an article
the modern
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era,
due to
the development of medical facilities,
indinduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
are living much longer than before
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
well
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
life span has
also
increased and
this
is the consequence of
improvement
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the improvement
an improvement
show examples
in
medical
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the medical
show examples
sector. If questioned, I think there are more drawbacks compared to benefits of
this
development. so, my position is
further
explained in the upcoming paragraphs with valid examples and explanations. Discussing the dark side of the viewpoint, the first and prominent argument is that, because people's life span is now increased the cycle of birth and death is now
distrubed
Correct your spelling
disturbed
.
For instance
, there
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
fewer
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years which has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
in
population
.
Further
,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
rate is skyrocketing in several countries. To give or example,
according to
a survey on
population
taker place in India, it is the fifth country in terms. of
population
in 2015, but in 2023 India becomes the
secand
Correct your spelling
second
largest populated nation. → Apart from these,
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
show examples
in folks is
directly
Replace the adverb
direct
show examples
. proportional to
increase
in unemployment
as well as
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
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in usage of resources like petrol,
diseal
Correct your spelling
diesel
and much more harmful gases. To elaborate, there is
decrease
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a decrease
the decrease
show examples
in job opportunities, as there are numerous individuals applying for the
some
Correct your spelling
same
show examples
job.
For example
, if there is a job for
employee
Add an article
an employee
the employee
show examples
in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
advertising company,
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
they will get more than 2000 applicants.
Moreover
, as people are living longer than expected, numerous folks have their own vehicles and
due to
increasement
Correct your spelling
increment
in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of vehicles,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
of fuels
such
as petrol and
diseal
Correct your spelling
diesel
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
is
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
pollution which
is
Add a missing verb
is is
show examples
harmful to
earth
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the earth
show examples
.
To sum up
, because of
evolving
Replace the word
the evolution
show examples
of
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
sector
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
living
Replace the word
live
show examples
much longer than before and
this
causes several drawbacks
such
as
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
in
population
and unemployment and
also
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
in pollution .
Hence
, there are more disadvantages compared to advantages.
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

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Language Range
Consider using a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging.
Structure
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Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your essay effectively, restating your position clearly.
Accuracy
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the clarity of your argument.
Use of Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your argument, which strengthens your essay.
Clarity of Position
Your essay has a clear position throughout, which is good for task response.

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