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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003 to 2012.

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in New Port city center from 2003 to 2012.
#changes #place #three #areas #crime #port #city #center
The given line graph illustrates the transformation that
occurs
Wrong verb form
occurred
show examples
 in three dissimilar spaces of
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 in New Port city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 between 2003 to 2012
Overall
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a
radically
Change the adverb
radical
show examples
 reduction in
burglary
Correct article usage
the burglary
show examples
 rate, and the rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
theft from
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
such
 as robbery
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 wavering. On the one hand, the number of
burglary
Change to a plural noun
burglaries
show examples
 in 2003
just
Add a missing verb
was just
show examples
 below 3500,
then
 it reached its peak at 3800 in the next year.
However
, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
burglary
 fall rapidly from 3800 to 1200 in the following 4 years. After all, the amount of
burglary
was maintain
Change the verb form
was maintained
was maintaining
show examples
about
Change preposition
at about
show examples
 1500 from 2009 to 2012.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,the
figue
Correct your spelling
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 car theft
stay
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 unchanged
about
Change preposition
at about
show examples
 2800 from 2003 to 2005.
However
, it declined the
lowest
Correct pronoun usage
its lowest
show examples
 point
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000 in 2006,
then
 it had slight fluctuations from 2007 to 2012. It
clear
Add a missing verb
is clear
show examples
 that the digit of robbery had slightly changed. it increases slightly to 1000 from 2003 to 2005,
then
 it decreases to the lowest
points
Fix the agreement mistake
point
show examples
 at 500 in 2008.
Finally
, it had slightly
waveing
Correct your spelling
wavered
.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words burglary with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 4 times.
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