Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
It is true that the excess
sugar
in processed Use synonyms
foods
and beverages contributes to a range of illnesses and health issues. Use synonyms
However
, I completely disagree with the idea that raising the Linking Words
price
of sugary Use synonyms
products
is the best way to address Use synonyms
this
problem.
In my opinion, there is absolutely no need to make certain Linking Words
products
more expensive in order to highlight their Use synonyms
sugar
content. People these days are well aware that soft drinks, Use synonyms
such
as cola, and sweet Linking Words
foods
, like cakes and biscuits, are high in Use synonyms
sugar
. Most of us Use synonyms
also
know that Linking Words
sugar
is added to cooking sauces and takeaway meals to improve the taste, and we understand that Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
foods
are less healthy than home-cooked meals. The average person sees sugary Use synonyms
products
as treats for special occasionsUse synonyms
,
and is able to consume them in moderation. Remove the comma
apply
Therefore
, I believe that we should trust adults to make their own health decisions, rather than trying to control their eating habits through government measures.
I Linking Words
also
believe that the proposed Linking Words
price
increase would be unfair. I predict that Use synonyms
this
idea would have unintended consequences, especially for less wealthy members of society. Linking Words
For example
, poorer parents may not be able to afford cakes, sweets and fizzy drinks for their children’s birthday parties. Linking Words
By contrast
, wealthy people would not even notice the Linking Words
price
changeUse synonyms
,
and would continue to buy whatever Remove the comma
apply
foods
and drinks they liked. So, Use synonyms
instead
of encouraging positive eating habits, an increase in the Linking Words
price
of sugary Use synonyms
products
could end up being a discriminatory measure that turns simple treats into luxuries.
In conclusion, I consider a Use synonyms
price
rise for Use synonyms
products
containing high levels of Use synonyms
sugar
to be an unnecessary and unfair proposal.Use synonyms
Submitted by josephpilgrimhuang on
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task achievement
While the essay argues effectively against the price increase of sugary products, it would benefit from addressing potential counterarguments even if briefly, such as the effectiveness of such measures in tax policies for tobacco or alcohol.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all main points have ample support. For example, the argument about lower-income families could be strengthened with more precise data or examples.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, consider splitting long sentences into shorter ones. For example, the sentence starting with 'Most of us also know...' could be divided for better readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, effectively arguing the chosen position.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main point, providing a satisfying closure to the argument.