IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that the excess
sugar
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 in processed
foods
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 and beverages contributes to a range of illnesses and health issues.
However
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, I completely disagree with the idea that raising the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 is the best way to address
this
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 problem. In my opinion, there is absolutely no need to make certain
products
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 more expensive in order to highlight their
sugar
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 content. People these days are well aware that soft drinks,
such
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 as cola, and sweet
foods
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, like cakes and biscuits, are high in
sugar
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. Most of us
also
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 know that
sugar
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 is added to cooking sauces and takeaway meals to improve the taste, and we understand that
such
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foods
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 are less healthy than home-cooked meals. The average person sees sugary
products
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 as treats for special occasions
,
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apply
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 and is able to consume them in moderation.
Therefore
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, I believe that we should trust adults to make their own health decisions, rather than trying to control their eating habits through government measures. I
also
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 believe that the proposed
price
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 increase would be unfair. I predict that
this
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 idea would have unintended consequences, especially for less wealthy members of society.
For example
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, poorer parents may not be able to afford cakes, sweets and fizzy drinks for their children’s birthday parties.
By contrast
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, wealthy people would not even notice the
price
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 change
,
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 and would continue to buy whatever
foods
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 and drinks they liked. So,
instead
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 of encouraging positive eating habits, an increase in the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 could end up being a discriminatory measure that turns simple treats into luxuries. In conclusion, I consider a
price
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 rise for
products
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 containing high levels of
sugar
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 to be an unnecessary and unfair proposal.

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task achievement
While the essay argues effectively against the price increase of sugary products, it would benefit from addressing potential counterarguments even if briefly, such as the effectiveness of such measures in tax policies for tobacco or alcohol.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all main points have ample support. For example, the argument about lower-income families could be strengthened with more precise data or examples.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, consider splitting long sentences into shorter ones. For example, the sentence starting with 'Most of us also know...' could be divided for better readability.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, effectively arguing the chosen position.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main point, providing a satisfying closure to the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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