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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is an ongoing debate over young people facing a lot of pressure to be academically successful .Some individuals argue that educational institutions should only focus on teaching academic
subjects
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 like Physics and Chemistry so that
children
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 will be able to focus on academic work. I completely disagree with the statement because I believe that non-physical
education
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 is equally important and provides benefits that physical
education
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 alone cannot provide. The main reason why I believe that non-physical
education
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 is important is because it is crucial for the physical and mental well-being of the
children
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. Physical
education
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 helps
children
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 to regulate their emotions, and stress levels and teaches them lessons to overcome failures. If educational institutions only focus on academic
subjects
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,
children
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's minds may get tired and they will lose their ability to think deeply and analyze critically. Countries like Finland maintain balanced curricula which include physical sports and arts
while
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 maintaining a top position in international
education
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 assessments.
Furthermore
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, practical
subjects
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 like cookery teach valuable lessons to
children
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 which are essential for their survival. Academic
subjects
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 cannot provide these life skills to
children
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. Learning to prepare nutritious meals gives them independence, budgeting skills and an understanding of maintaining a healthy life.
In Addition
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,
children
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 who are not good at academic
subjects
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 may find their passion in these skills and can pursue a successful career in non-academic fields. In conclusion, for the reasons that I have mentioned above, I maintain that .non-academic
education
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 plays a significant role in
children
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's development and growth and
therefore
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 should be removed from the curriculum.

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task achievement
Make sure to explain your key points more clearly and fully in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on clearer links between ideas for better flow in your essay.
grammar
Try to avoid small mistakes, like the extra period before 'non-academic education' in your conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opinion and good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You include relevant examples that support your main points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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