With growing population in cities, more and more people lives in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
The world population has expanded and population has risen and backyard and balcony is not beneficial and
this
figure will increase steadily. Moreover
, more families are moving to accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
accommodation
with out
large or no outdoor space. I think Correct your spelling
without
this
reformation is not beneficial and I will discuss it in following
paragraphs.
Correct article usage
the following
To begin
with,Add an article
the
this
grow
Replace the word
growth
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
a
challenge for all citizens and is lack of homes Correct pronoun usage
it a
due to
this
area
of places has decreased and some extra facilities has eliminated
Add a missing verb
been eliminated
same
as gardens . Correct word choice
such
This
occurrence is a major drawback because it has destroyed children
safe Change noun form
children's
area
and they cannot take advantage of Fix the agreement mistake
areas
natural
environment and Add an article
the natural
also
scenery of beautiful and lively gardens alterd
to soulless cement. Correct your spelling
altered
For example
, in previous
Correct article usage
the previous
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
generation
people had their own garden and they Add a comma
generation,
planeted
flowers or trees and that was eye-catching and positive for Correct your spelling
planted
environment
and households but nowadays Correct article usage
the environment
these kind
of Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
sceneries
is rare and all Fix the agreement mistake
scenery
surroundings
are soulless. I think Correct article usage
the surroundings
this
will
reformation is not helpful because has changed Verb problem
apply
humans
habits and cut the touch between nature and civilization Change noun form
humans'
human's
also
i
believe Change the capitalization
I
ut
will gradually impact our behavior and we Correct your spelling
it
cannot
understand the main Verb problem
will not
perpos
of natural life.
Correct your spelling
purpose
On the other hand
, demand for accomodations
is Correct your spelling
accommodation
accommodations
in
Change preposition
at
the
peak state and architects had to reform buildings by eliminating some extra parts Change the word
its
same
Correct word choice
similar
as
Change preposition
to
outdoor
. Replace the word
outdoors
However
, governments could relocate citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
area
to urban and build a specific Fix the agreement mistake
areas
location
for Fix the agreement mistake
locations
adults
houses and apartments. Change noun form
adults'
adult's
As a
result
the extra part will remain and Add a comma
result,
community
Correct article usage
the community
has
more opportunities to be in more natural Wrong verb form
will have
area
.
In conclusion, erasingFix the agreement mistake
areas
Correct article usage
the
have
significant Correct subject-verb agreement
has
dwindels
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
such
as less chance for children to play in and no pretty gardens. I think it is better to design area
for housing and preserve Correct article usage
an area
this locations
.Change the determiner
this location
these locations
Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on
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coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. This can also help to make your arguments clearer and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that your ideas are not only logical but also smoothly connected throughout the essay. Transition words or phrases can significantly help in guiding the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
For a stronger task response, try to more explicitly address the question posed by providing a clearer opinion and more direct arguments. This will help in forming a more complete response to the topic.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your main points. These examples make your arguments more convincing and give readers a better understanding of your perspective.
task response
You provided a clear position on the topic, which is essential for task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which is good practice for structuring your response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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