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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Universities and colleges are now offering courses through distance learning from the Internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Online or
distance
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 learning using the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 has become popular on some campuses and schools, leading to a debate between the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 trend.
While
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 the effectiveness of
distance
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 and time can be appealing, there are significant concerns regarding their impact on
students
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' mental states. As for the benefits, it might be argued that with the increased time-effectiveness come the opportunities that online learning offers. In
this
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 world of technology, it is not surprising that many people choose online learning as an option.
In addition
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,
distance
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 learning can save
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students's
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students
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 money in the form of transportation.
For example
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,
students
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 who attend classes using the Zoom app and do not need to spend the effort to physically go to class save half the money.
First,
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it negatively impacts the quality of student learning
due to
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 the lack of face-to-face interaction and direct feedback from a teacher.
Secondly
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, it can lead to a feeling of isolation and a lack of community as
students
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 miss out on the social aspect of campus life.
Lastly
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,
distance
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 learning requires high self-motivation and discipline, which may be a challenge for some
students
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.
For example
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, in a viral video on TikTok during the rise of COVID and
distance
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 learning, a student who was in class just turned on the zoom
and
Correct word choice
apply
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closed the camera and
then
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 did other activities without paying attention to the teacher. In summary, I would argue that
this
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 lack of measurability of trends related to learning quality can be a substantial drawback.
Thus
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,
this
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 outweighs its potential benefits.

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Introduction Improvement
Craft a more detailed introduction to effectively set the stage for your discussion. While your introduction is sufficient, enriching it with a brief overview of both sides could enhance clarity and engagement.
Balance and Development
Consider expanding on the advantages of online learning before delving into its disadvantages. Your essay leans more heavily towards the critique, which might give an impression of imbalance. Thoughtfully expanding on the advantages could provide a more rounded discussion.
Evidence Strengthening
Incorporate more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your points. While you've provided examples, further elaboration or additional examples could more substantially support your arguments.
Conclusion Enhancement
Ensure a clear and distinct conclusion that summarizes your stance. While your conclusion provides a viewpoint, reiterating the main arguments briefly could reinforce your position and provide a stronger closure.
Structure
The logical flow and organization of the essay is commendable, showing a good understanding of essay structure.
Use of Example
You effectively used an example to illustrate the disadvantages of online learning, which helps in grounding your argument in reality.
Insightful Argument
Your point about the challenge of self-motivation in distance learning is very valid and a crucial aspect of this debate, showing deep understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • distance learning
  • flexibility
  • cost-effective
  • physical infrastructure
  • self-motivation
  • discipline
  • isolation
  • campus life
  • face-to-face interaction
  • immediate feedback
  • geographical limitations
  • disabilities
  • academic integrity
  • online environment
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