IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people prefer to plan all their vacation activities. others prefer to be spontaneous (decide what to do at the last minute). which do you prefer? why? give specific reasons for your answer.

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It is known that holiday is not only for getting rest. It can be rest, culture, or business because
people
Use synonyms
 can do all sometimes with their schedule.
Therefore
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 they do not want to
change
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 their schedule.
On the other hand
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, others prefer to be spontaneous because they want to only get rest and enjoy. I strongly believe that we can
prefer
Verb problem
choose
show examples
 both
according to
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 our situation and I going to explain some specific reasons in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, discipline is so important
while
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 doing the
program
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 because if you
change
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 your activity you can be late or lose your real
program
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 or job.
For example
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, some business person travel too much for their job. They join some activities which are interesting if they have time that travel. Of course, they do not want to
change
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 their vacation activities because they go there for specific reasons if they
change
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 their
program
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 maybe they can lose their real job.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 do not like going on holiday
according to
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 any
program
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 and love too much spontaneity. The reasons for that are
first,
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it can be so exciting because you do not know what you can do.
Second,
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it can be so fun for
people
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 to enjoy without the
program
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.
Third,
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you can meet different
people
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 whom you do not know.
For instance
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, one of my friends went from Gaziantep to Antalya. he went walking and
hitchhicking
Correct your spelling
hitchhiking
 for cars. He told me it was a really amazing trip because I met a lot of different
people
Use synonyms
 on the way. Of course, it had a bad side.
For example
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, you can see dangerous
people
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.
To sum up
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, to stay in the plan or without any plan we can couse both
according to
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 our goal
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 In my opinion,
people
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 choose too much spontaneous travel to enjoy.

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task achievement
It's important to have a clear and direct thesis statement at the end of your introduction to guide the readers through your essay. Consider stating your preference more explicitly.
coherence & cohesion
Try to use clear paragraphing by starting a new paragraph for each main idea. This will help improve the clarity and organization of your essay.
coherence & cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical inaccuracies and enhance readability. While minor errors are understandable, consistent accuracy helps convey your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
You provided specific reasons and examples to support your points, which strengthened your argument.
task achievement
You explored both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.
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