Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
When
is
to Verb problem
it comes
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
development
, some people
believe that parents
have the main role, while
others think that being around good people
, watching and following the right people
will have a better impact on children
in general. I really believe that both can influence your development
equally, and following good advice and a good example from such
an influencer on social media,
will develop you as an amazing Remove the comma
apply
child
.
On the other hand
, I think that every child
should have the freedom to follow and learn things from others, but at the same time, it needs to be checked by parents
all the time. For some children
, following people
on television such
as singers, actors, or businessmen, seems to be easier for them, instead
of following strict rules from their families. All these things can really influence any child
's wishes to become reality
.
Correct article usage
a reality
On the other hand
, I believe that parents
have also
a really important role in their children
's development
, only if they spend enough time with them and understand what their wishes are, which is also
crucial. For example
if you, as a parent notice that your child
is attracted by medicine, it is your duty to make sure that at the right age, you will read books about medicine, or watch movies about that.
To conclude
, parents
or friends, music or television, can have the same power to influence children
's development
equally, the important thing is to let them choose by themself first,
and just after that to decide if they are following the good thing for them or not.Submitted by atomoiaga46 on
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task response
Your essay provides a balanced view on the influence on child development, acknowledging the importance of both family and external factors. Try to further elaborate on each viewpoint with more detailed examples to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence
To improve coherence, consider linking your paragraphs more clearly to guide the reader through your argument. Using transitional phrases can facilitate a smoother flow between points.
language use
Introduce a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. This will make your points more compelling and your essay more engaging.
cohesion
To enhance cohesion, make sure each paragraph deals with a single main idea. Subsequent sentences should then elaborate on this idea, providing support or examples.
task response
You managed to discuss both views and provide your opinion, fulfilling the task's requirements.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the viewpoints discussed, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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