Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
When
is
Verb problem
it comes
show examples
to
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
development
Use synonyms
, some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
parents
Use synonyms
have the main role,
while
Linking Words
others think that being around good
people
Use synonyms
, watching and following the right
people
Use synonyms
will have a better impact on
children
Use synonyms
in general. I really believe that both can influence your
development
Use synonyms
equally, and following good advice and a good example from
such
Linking Words
an influencer on social media
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
will develop you as an amazing
child
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think that every
child
Use synonyms
should have the freedom to follow and learn things from others, but at the same time, it needs to be checked by
parents
Use synonyms
all the time. For some
children
Use synonyms
, following
people
Use synonyms
on television
such
Linking Words
as singers, actors, or businessmen, seems to be easier for them,
instead
Linking Words
of following strict rules from their families. All these things can really influence any
child
Use synonyms
's wishes to become
reality
Correct article usage
a reality
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
have
also
Linking Words
a really important role in their
children
Use synonyms
's
development
Use synonyms
, only if they spend enough time with them and understand what their wishes are, which is
also
Linking Words
crucial.
For example
Linking Words
if you, as a parent notice that your
child
Use synonyms
is attracted by medicine, it is your duty to make sure that at the right age, you will read books about medicine, or watch movies about that.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
or friends, music or television, can have the same power to influence
children
Use synonyms
's
development
Use synonyms
equally, the important thing is to let them choose by themself
first,
Linking Words
and just after that to decide if they are following the good thing for them or not.
Submitted by atomoiaga46 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay provides a balanced view on the influence on child development, acknowledging the importance of both family and external factors. Try to further elaborate on each viewpoint with more detailed examples to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence
To improve coherence, consider linking your paragraphs more clearly to guide the reader through your argument. Using transitional phrases can facilitate a smoother flow between points.
language use
Introduce a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. This will make your points more compelling and your essay more engaging.
cohesion
To enhance cohesion, make sure each paragraph deals with a single main idea. Subsequent sentences should then elaborate on this idea, providing support or examples.
task response
You managed to discuss both views and provide your opinion, fulfilling the task's requirements.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the viewpoints discussed, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary influence
  • development
  • instill values
  • norms
  • emotional foundation
  • social skills
  • role modeling
  • socioeconomic status
  • opportunities
  • resources
  • external factors
  • peer influence
  • teenage years
  • impact mood
  • cultural understanding
  • environment
  • role models
  • social media
  • shaping modern childhoods
What to do next:
Look at other essays: