IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people think technological devices such as smartphones, tablets and mobile phones bring more disadvantages than advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #devices #smartphones #tablets #phones
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that the drawbacks of gadgets like smart mobile phones and tablets outweigh their positive points. As long as there are many pros to computer-based systems, I find myself among those who disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view.
Firstly
Linking Words
, using these devices allows
people
Use synonyms
 to communicate with others from the other side of the world which is an undeniable advantage .
For example
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 want to visit their family members who are in foreign countries, they should travel to those countries which is significantly time-consuming.
However
Linking Words
, visiting family and friends through these systems is extremely faster and just need to press some buttons.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most technological devices are capable of taking pictures which allows folk to take pictures of themselves and send them to others.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, individuals can meet each other without travelling.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these computer-based devices provide more convenient access to the internet and
consequently
Linking Words
 to a considerable amount of information.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
smartphones
Use synonyms
, mobile phones and tablets can be carried effortlessly which makes it possible for everyone to bring them along everywhere.
This
Linking Words
 results in,
people
Use synonyms
would be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 fully informed about whatever they intend to know if they
brought
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 their
smartphones
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
 them.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 with
smartphones
Use synonyms
 are able to check their e-mail through their mobile phones in every place,
while
Linking Words
 those who do not have access to these gadgets should use laptops which are not as convenient as
smartphones
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, carriable gadgets have brought numerous advantages to our life including straightforward connection to our loved ones.
Also
Linking Words
, it has given us an opportunity to be able to access the internet wherever we.
Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains one main idea that is fully developed, and avoid introducing multiple ideas in a single paragraph.
task achievement
Make sure to define the extent of your disagreement or agreement with a specific degree or measure, which will add clarity to your task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which guides the reader effectively through your argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples strengthens the points made and shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas makes the arguments easy to follow.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: