IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Beside a lot of advantages, some people belive that the Internet creates many problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #belive #internet
It is argued that the disadvantages of the
Internet
 outweigh its advantages. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement for the following reasons. On the one hand, more and more people are depending on the
Internet
 negatively.
This
 causes a lot of young adults to be physically and mentally weak.
For example
, teenagers who have a game addiction spend all day long lying on a bed or sofa to play games.
Consequently
, they refuse to go to school or go out for social activities. Another problem
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
Internet
 is the increase of criminals. The cyber environment creates perfect opportunities for the malefactors to approach their "prey" just by some clicks. Frightenedly, it is not only limited to cybercrime but
also
 to real-life transgression when personal data
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
collected through the
Internet
 shows everything about a person.
However
, we cannot deny the pros that the
Internet
 provides to us. Worldwide web systems allow us easily to access global news
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 sharing information results in technology development. The
Internet
, which contains many free documents
also
 gives the chance to unfortunate people to study.
Furthermore
, the
Internet
also
 can unite individuals from all over the world without expensive fees.
For instance
, social media like Facebook, X or Snapchat provide people with a platform to connect.
Last
 but not least, the
Internet
 plays an important role in encouraging the growth of international trade so that companies from two distinct nations can easily research for each other and collaborate with no doubt. In conclusion, despite all of the problems that the
Internet
 causes, I strongly believe that its advantages still stand out to contribute a principal part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by ntbang25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance your essay, consider varying your sentence structures further and incorporating a wider range of complex grammatical structures. This will make your writing even more sophisticated and engaging.
Task Achievement
While you provide clear examples to support your points, deepening your analysis of these examples could strengthen your argument. Consider explaining more about why and how these examples support your thesis.
Structure
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly presenting your thesis statement and summarizing your main points in the conclusion. Well done!
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay successfully employs clear logical structure, effectively organizing ideas into paragraphs with clear topic sentences. This greatly enhances reader understanding.
Content
Your use of relevant, specific examples to support your main points is commendable. This concrete evidence strengthens your argument significantly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • privacy concerns
  • information overload
  • dependency
  • global communication
  • technological and business innovation
  • misinformation
  • social polarization
  • online harassment
  • cyberbullying
  • e-commerce
  • financial risks
  • addictiveness
  • physical inactivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: