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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
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The question of whether
people
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 control their
lives
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 or just accept it has become a hotly debated topic nowadays.
While
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according to
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 some
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people
Add a comma
people,
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 things like lack of finance or work that does not bring satisfaction should be accepted, others claim that
people
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 should take responsibility for their
lives
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 and fight the circumstances. On the one hand, blaming and complaining is much easier than tackling the problem. Many
people
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 choose to look for excuses to keep the job that makes them feel miserable
instead
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 of looking for another job. No doubt, that sometimes to change something is much harder than to accept.
For example
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, I was not satisfied with my previous position in the company, so I took a course to improve my qualifications in order to get a promotion.
Although
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 learning and working were very hard, it became rewarding in the end.
On the other hand
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, when it comes to money, there is never enough. The nature of humans is to ask for more and more, as there is no limit to
wellbeing
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well-being
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. In
this
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 case, the wisdom is to accept the reality and find the correct balance between the expectations and real needs.
However
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, when a family does not have enough money for food or other basic needs, that shortage of money should definitely be reduced. In my opinion, the angle
people
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 see the situation depends on their personality, and the way they decide to act depends on their character. Some
people
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 are fighters and others are not, and everyone makes his or her own decision, and
lives
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 with the consequences.
To conclude
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, I tend to believe that individuals should control their
lives
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 and prioritise their needs, as some things are important and worth struggling with and others not.
Submitted by vikiregev on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, consider ensuring that your arguments transition more smoothly from one to the next. More signposting language will help guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and well-expressed, introducing more diverse and concrete examples can make your points stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear direction and a strong ending to your essay.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both views and synthesized your opinion, which shows a thorough understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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