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Band 7.5

Nowadays many students choose to take a year off before going to university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, and give your own opinion about whether it is a good idea.

#students #year #university #gap #idea
Nowadays, an increasing number of
students
 prefer to take a year off after finishing high school. Some of them believe that they will gain useful experiences
this
 way. In
this
 essay, I would like to write about the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 approach. I would like to start by writing about the advantages of
this
 idea. First of all,
students
 who are in favour of
this
 idea believe that by taking a gap year before going to university they would be able to find a job during
this
 period which gives them significant hands-on experiences that might help them with their future careers.
Moreover
, they can save up some money that can be used for their upcoming education.
In addition
, they can use
this
 period to hang out more with their friends and families or
for example
, spend their time travelling. Those kinds of activities will give them enough social skills and insight about
life
 and other opportunities
as a result
, they can make better and more practical decisions.
On the other hand
, opponents might claim that if
students
 get away from studying and occupy themselves with working and other aspects of
life
, there is less possibility of going back to school and completing their qualifications.
As a result
, they will have fewer working options and less chance to get a promotion.
Therefore
, their
life
 satisfaction will decrease dramatically. Meanwhile, not all the
students
 do something productive during
this
 gap.
To conclude
, based on what is discussed above, there are obvious benefits and drawbacks to delaying going to university. In my opinion, schools should provide enough information for
students
 to guide them and
students
 should make their decisions eventually based on the aim of their
life
.
Submitted by bryan.dasco on

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Task Achievement
In order to strengthen your essays, consider adding specific examples to support your points more vividly. This will help to showcase the relevance and depth of your ideas more clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to ensure that all your paragraphs are focused and coherent. Each paragraph should clearly relate to your main point, and transitions between paragraphs should be smooth.
Coherence & Cohesion
You’ve structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a concluding paragraph. This structured approach greatly aids in the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your engagement with the task is commendable. You have discussed both the advantages and disadvantages of a gap year, followed by your own view, fulfilling the task's requirements effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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