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Band 7

Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today.The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars.Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game.Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#sports #industry #world #elite #players #contracts #millions #dollars #say #money #defeats #purpose #game
Nowadays,The
sports
 industry has become popular and proliferative resulting in the top
players
 receiving million-dollar contracts as monetary incentives.
However
,critics argue that doing
this
 will disrespect and destroy the original purpose of
sports
.From my perspective,I agree that worthy
players
 should gain as much income
according to
 a demand-supply principle.
To begin
 with,Some people indicate that sport was established not for business objectives.
Thus
,
players
 should get a wage at a regular rate as other employees.Providing them with a large amount of money
that is
 higher than other professional careers makes it seem unfair advantage.
That is
 to say,Some experts
such
 as teachers or doctors cannot get many million-dollar contracts regardless the fact of that their jobs provide many benefits to others.
On the contrary
,In order to become
sports
players
,Not only do they have to get natural talents,but
also
 they dedicate a lot of time and effort sacrificing their whole lives.
Also
,professional
sports
 is a money-earning business which means they have to win in order to stay profitable because
this
 leads to more viewers and more merchandise being sold and
this
 increases their brand worth.
Therefore
,the better
players
 they can recruit,the better chance they are going to win.
Moreover
,their fans can pay extra prices to see individual
players
.All of these actions lead to a higher demand for professional
sports
players
.Importantly,each
players
 have their own uniqueness
whereas
,in other careers, people in the same position can do the same job. In conclusion,
Due to
 the higher demand and importance of
sports
players
,their values have increased to reach many million dollars.
Although
 some people point out that
this
 is appropriate, it clearly should be
this
 way because
sports
 are
also
 considered to be business.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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language
Try to maintain consistent and correct use of punctuation, such as commas and capital letters, to improve readability.
task response
Ensure that all points and arguments are fully developed to show a thorough understanding of the topic.
task response
The essay presents a clear stance on whether players should receive high incomes, answering the question effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and serve their purposes well, providing a nice framework for the essay.
task response
The essay uses relevant examples to support arguments, such as the comparison between sports players and other professionals like teachers or doctors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • elite players
  • contracts worth millions
  • economically rewarded
  • generate significant revenues
  • ticket sales
  • merchandise
  • advertising
  • employment opportunities
  • commercial enterprise
  • entertainment culture
  • critics argue
  • inherent qualities
  • teamwork
  • physical fitness
  • financial emphasis
  • mental health
  • personal lives
  • unethical behaviors
  • doping
  • sustain performance
  • socially beneficial endeavors
  • grassroots sports facilities
  • access to sports
  • underprivileged communities
  • incentivize athletes
  • strive for excellence
  • inspiring future athletes
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