Professional sports are a very large industry in the world today.The most elite players can get contracts worth many millions of dollars.Some say there is too much money in sports and that it defeats the purpose of the actual game.Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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Nowadays,The
sports
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industry has become popular and proliferative resulting in the top
players
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receiving million-dollar contracts as monetary incentives.
However
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,critics argue that doing
this
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will disrespect and destroy the original purpose of
sports
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.From my perspective,I agree that worthy
players
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should gain as much income
according to
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a demand-supply principle.
To begin
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with,Some people indicate that sport was established not for business objectives.
Thus
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,
players
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should get a wage at a regular rate as other employees.Providing them with a large amount of money
that is
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higher than other professional careers makes it seem unfair advantage.
That is
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to say,Some experts
such
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as teachers or doctors cannot get many million-dollar contracts regardless the fact of that their jobs provide many benefits to others.
On the contrary
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,In order to become
sports
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players
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,Not only do they have to get natural talents,but
also
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they dedicate a lot of time and effort sacrificing their whole lives.
Also
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,professional
sports
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is a money-earning business which means they have to win in order to stay profitable because
this
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leads to more viewers and more merchandise being sold and
this
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increases their brand worth.
Therefore
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,the better
players
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they can recruit,the better chance they are going to win.
Moreover
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,their fans can pay extra prices to see individual
players
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.All of these actions lead to a higher demand for professional
sports
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players
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.Importantly,each
players
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have their own uniqueness
whereas
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,in other careers, people in the same position can do the same job. In conclusion,
Due to
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the higher demand and importance of
sports
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players
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,their values have increased to reach many million dollars.
Although
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some people point out that
this
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is appropriate, it clearly should be
this
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way because
sports
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are
also
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considered to be business.
Submitted by chawanat.pla on

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language
Try to maintain consistent and correct use of punctuation, such as commas and capital letters, to improve readability.
task response
Ensure that all points and arguments are fully developed to show a thorough understanding of the topic.
task response
The essay presents a clear stance on whether players should receive high incomes, answering the question effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and serve their purposes well, providing a nice framework for the essay.
task response
The essay uses relevant examples to support arguments, such as the comparison between sports players and other professionals like teachers or doctors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • elite players
  • contracts worth millions
  • economically rewarded
  • generate significant revenues
  • ticket sales
  • merchandise
  • advertising
  • employment opportunities
  • commercial enterprise
  • entertainment culture
  • critics argue
  • inherent qualities
  • teamwork
  • physical fitness
  • financial emphasis
  • mental health
  • personal lives
  • unethical behaviors
  • doping
  • sustain performance
  • socially beneficial endeavors
  • grassroots sports facilities
  • access to sports
  • underprivileged communities
  • incentivize athletes
  • strive for excellence
  • inspiring future athletes
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